Donating embryos through the Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program is a profound gift. For many placing families, it is an act of deep compassion, born from both gratitude and the desire to help someone else experience the joy of parenthood.
However, even in this generous offering, there can be moments of unexpected heartache—particularly when your gift is declined.
The Quiet Weight of Rejection
Rejection in embryo donation is rarely talked about, but it is a real and often painful part of the journey for many placing families. It might come in the form of a family choosing not to move forward, the absence of a match after weeks or months of waiting, or the disheartening news that your embryos were not accepted by a clinic due to medical or logistical reasons. Sometimes it even comes from loved ones who do not understand your decision to place your remaining embryos for adoption.
No matter the source, rejection can stir up doubt. You may begin to question your gift, your motivations, or your role in this deeply personal process.
But take heart: a “no” doesn’t mean your story is over. Often, it is simply a redirection—a way of preserving the integrity of your decision until the right “yes” comes along.
The Emotional Journey of Placing Embryos
Embryo adoption is not only a medical or legal process—it is deeply emotional. Every embryo carries with it the weight of possibility, the dream of what might have been. Choosing to donate often comes from a place of honoring that possibility by offering another family the chance to grow.
When that offering is declined, it can feel intensely personal. It is natural to feel sadness, confusion, even grief. Nevertheless, it is important to remember that the embryo adoption process is complex. A family might say no for reasons that have nothing to do with your embryos or your intentions—clinic policies, medical concerns, or a preference for certain traits may influence their decision. These are reflections of compatibility, not of the worth of your gift.
Processing Rejection and Protecting Your Heart
If you are facing a “no,” give yourself permission to feel the weight of it. Rejection can touch a very tender part of your heart. Whether this moment is brief or lingers, it matters—and so do your feelings.
Consider leaning on the resources Snowflakes offers: speak with your donor case manager, connect with a therapist who understands adoption or infertility grief, or talk to other donor families who have walked this road. You are not alone.
And remember: you don’t have to stay in that space of grief. There is meaning to be found, even in the “no.”
When Rejection Is Really Redirection
One of the most empowering ways to reframe this experience is to view it not as failure, but as protection. Am adoptive family choosing not to move forward may be saving you—and themselves—from a match that wouldn’t have been the right long-term fit.
Embryo donation is not just about placing embryos. It is about shared values, hopes for openness, and alignment in how the child will be raised to understand their beginnings. If a potential match does not reflect those values, which is okay. That “no” may be a quiet grace—preserving your vision and protecting your heart.
Many Snowflakes placing families share that what first felt like a heartbreaking rejection eventually led them to a better match—one that felt like a true connection. They found families who honored their embryos, understood the significance of the gift, and embraced the relationship with genuine gratitude and shared purpose.
You Only Need One “Yes”
In the end, you are not searching for just any match. You are looking for the right one. The right “yes” will feel different—it will feel peaceful, honoring, and right.
Rejection does not mean your gift is any less valuable. It does not mean you made the wrong decision. It means the story is not over yet. In fact, the most meaningful chapters may still be ahead.
Hold space for the right match—the one who sees your embryos not just as a chance to build a family, but also as a sacred trust to be respected and cherished. That “yes” is worth waiting for.
To learn more about the Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program and how your donation can change lives, visit Snowflakes.org.
By Elise Hulderman