“You cannot start a relationship on a lie and expect a high level of openness in return.” ~ A Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Mother
Curiosity about our origins is natural, and thanks to programs like Ancestry DNA and 23andMe, uncovering this information has never been easier. It's a fantastic tool for discovering relatives and exploring your heritage. For those adopted, it opens up a new world, answering questions and filling in biological gaps – unless, of course, they don't know they're adopted.
Embryo adoption through the Snowflakes Program is a fantastic choice for building a family. From pregnancy to bringing your newborn home, you get to experience all the joys and challenges of parenthood. While it might be tempting to keep the fact that your child was adopted as an embryo on the down-low, the most crucial person to know is your child.
Initiate this conversation early, ideally when you bring your little one home. This approach has two advantages:
- Your child won't remember a specific moment of being told about their adoption, avoiding potential trauma.
- You can experiment with words, themes, and methods to explain the story as your child grows.
Creating a Lifebook for your child can also be helpful, illustrating the journey from the donor family to the birth. It becomes a valuable resource for them to carry through life.
Children's books like Snowflake Babies, Made with Love, and The Pea That Was Me are excellent tools for normalizing the story.
It's crucial to let embryo-adopted children know their origins. Secrets may not stay secrets, especially with easy access to genetic testing. Concealing the truth can lead to damaged relationships and feelings of shame for the child.
While fears about genetic origins are normal, DNA doesn't define a family. Love does. You will always be your child's parents, regardless of genetic connections.
Consider the story of Ingrid von Oelhafen: Abducted as an infant from Yugoslavia during World War II by German Nazis. When Ingrid was older, she began searching for her biological parents. After some time, she finally located them, but she said it made little difference in her life. Her memoir Hitler’s Forgotten Children ends with this quote:
“It is enlightening to find our roots, but we are what we become through the lives we’re given.”
Talk openly and honestly with your children, especially about their genetic origins. It might be enlightening, but it won't change their identification of you as their true family.
For more information on embryo donation and adoption through the Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program, check out Snowflakes.org.
By Karli Adams