One of the most important steps in your embryo adoption journey is completing and revisiting your matching preferences.
Considering your preferences is more than marking boxes on a checklist; this process is a thoughtful tool designed to help you realistically consider the medical, genetic, and situational factors involved in receiving embryos from a placing family and how your family is prepared to embrace them.
Because embryo adoption involves decisions before a frozen embryo transfer is scheduled, careful reflection on your matching preferences is especially important.
Start with Learning and Conversation
Take time to read and educate yourself about each specific preference that the Snowflakes team has spoken with you about. Talk openly with your spouse, trusted family members, medical providers, and your adoption coordinator. It is natural for unfamiliar information to feel overwhelming. Lack of experience, or only hearing one point of view, can trigger fear or hesitation.
Instead of asking, “Will this embryo result in the kind of child we imagined?” consider asking, “How can we prepare to parent well in this situation?” This perspective shifts the focus from control to preparation.
Embryo adoption invites families to step into the unknown with intention. Education and honest discussion help replace fear with clarity.
Understanding Medical and Genetic Considerations
Unlike domestic infant adoption, embryo adoption involves reviewing medical histories before pregnancy has been achieved. When you are matched, you will receive:
- Placing Family profile
- Three generations of medical background
- Donor egg/sperm profile (if applicable)
- Basic information on the embryos (number, embryo stage, age of genetic mother when embryos were created)
In addition, if you accept the match, your fertility clinic will receive embryology reports and grading, infectious disease testing of the placing family, updated bloodwork results if applicable, completed FDA questionnaires, and genetic screening and/or preimplantation genetic testing (PGT) results (if performed).
Snowflakes allows adoptive families to indicate if they are open to a diagnosis of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder within the three generations of health history, and autism spectrum disorder in the genetic siblings. In addition, some embryos may come from families with histories of anxiety, depression, autoimmune disorders, diabetes, heart conditions, or other inherited medical concerns. Many times, your reproductive endocrinologist might require you and your spouse to sit down with a genetic counselor to discuss the placing family’s health history, even if no significant diagnoses are present.
Remember: saying “yes” to a match with a particular medical condition means you are prepared to embrace that possibility, not simply hoping it will not apply.
Considering Open Communication with the Placing Family
Another important aspect of embryo adoption is the level of openness you are comfortable maintaining with the placing family.
Some families desire ongoing updates and occasional communication. Others prefer more limited contact. Your preferences should reflect what you can genuinely sustain long-term, not what feels generous in the moment.
Ask yourselves:
- Are we comfortable sharing updates with the placing family?
- What boundaries feel healthy for our family?
- How will we speak about our child’s genetic story in age-appropriate ways?
Healthy embryo adoption relationships are built on clarity and mutual respect. Thoughtful boundaries protect everyone involved, especially the child.
Thoughtfully Considering Race and Ethnicity
As with any adoption journey, race and ethnicity matter. In embryo adoption, your child may not share your ethnic background.
While you may be open to matching with a placing family who has embryos that are a different ethnicity then your own, preparation for transracial parenting is a must. If you are open to a transracial match, consider:
- Do we understand how culture and ethnicity shape lived experience?
- Are we prepared to actively build a diverse community?
- Will we pursue education and advocacy if needed?
- Do we live in a community where our child’s identity will be affirmed?
Embryo adoption may begin before pregnancy, but these realities will shape your child’s life long after birth. Thoughtful preparation honors them.
The Number of Embryos Matter
It is also important to thoughtfully consider how many embryos you are open to accepting. You should be prepared to give each of your adopted embryos the opportunity to be born. While the average number of embryos available in a match is typically between two and four, some placing families may have only one embryo, while others may have more than seven or more. If you limit your preferences to a static number, such as five or six, it can lengthen your wait time for a match.
Being open to a large range, when comfortably possible, can expand your matching opportunities and create greater flexibility in the process. It is helpful to balance your hopes and practical considerations with the understanding that embryo adoption often involves some level of unpredictability.
Be Honest, Not Hopeful, on Paper
The desire to grow your family can make it tempting to select preferences that feel expansive and generous. However, clarity and honesty is more loving than optimism.
Telling your adoption coordinator that you are “open” to preferences you actually feel unsure about (or secretly hope will not apply) is not fair to anyone involved. It can create confusion for your placing family, place unnecessary strain on your own family, and ultimately affect the well-being of your future child(ren).
In addition, make sure you and your partner are fully aligned. Honesty and clarity from the beginning help ensure a match built on confidence, preparation, and long-term stability.
Why Revisit Your Preferences?
Your preferences should not remain static. We strongly encourage every adoptive family to check in with their adoption coordinator to review them every few weeks.
Here is why this conversation matters:
- You change over time - Education, prayer, life experience, and conversations with other embryo adoptive families often expand what feels possible. What once felt intimidating may now feel manageable.
- Your circumstances and perspectives shift - Health, finances, support systems, and emotional capacity can change. Your preferences should reflect your current reality.
- Email check-ins miss nuance - A simple “We’re still comfortable with our selections,” does not create space to explore growth, fear, or hesitation. Honest dialogue often reveals questions you did not know you had.
A Living Decision
Embryo adoption is not a one-time decision. It is a journey of growth and preparation. Your matching preferences are living, breathing reflections of your readiness. We are here to walk alongside you; answering questions, exploring concerns, and helping you prepare well for the life God may be calling into your family.
To learn more about embryo adoption through Snowflakes, visit Snowflakes.org.