Most of the time the question is not, how will I love this child that is in my home, but how will I let this child go when they leave my home? Foster care is a unique experience where families are faced with the challenge of loving a child for a short period of time. Children are placed in foster care for a variety of time depending on their case. The shortest time being 24 hours to the longest time being forever. In Texas, biological parents are given 12 months to complete their service plan. After the 12 months, the judge is able to grant an extension, termination of rights or a monitored return. Because of the unknown length of case, this can be challenging for foster parents. How are they supposed to make plans for holidays if they do not know how long the child will stay? Often time’s foster parents are left feeling anxious about the future and all the unknowns’ foster care brings.
As a foster care advocate, it is my job to help foster parents focus on the task at hand – loving the child for today. Foster care advocates emphasis this task in trainings, the home study process and when placement of a child occurs in their home. It is the foster parent’s responsibility to love the child (ren) in their home one day at a time. Foster care requires a hands open posture and a flexible mentality. This is not easy, as planning and looking forward to milestones is exciting and important. However, foster parents must focus and remind themselves to stay present in today. We might not know whether the child will leave their home tomorrow, next month or even next year. Foster parents learn to train and prepare their hearts to love them every day that they are in their care. Each child deserves this love and will benefit tremendously from the consistency and presence of a loving caretaker.
So how do you love this child that might leave their home one day? I do not have the magic answer, but I encourage you to go back to your “why”. Why did you decide to step in the gap for children and families? Why did you decide to sacrifice normalcy and take on caring for a child that is not your own? The reason you chose to start this journey can carry you through the uncertainty of the future. For me, it is because I have seen firsthand the difference a child can make in my life and on their lives as well. Loving a child even for a short time is worth it, because these kids are worth it.
As we shift our focus on today and what it might bring, our anxiety about the future seems to be put at ease. Challenge yourself to stay present, stay focused and enjoy all that today holds!