Adoption Full Circle
I was adopted as an infant through Catholic Charities Agency and joined my family when I was just a few months old. I had a wonderful childhood, always knowing I was adopted and adoption being talked about regularly in our home. Growing up I would ask questions to my biological family about my adoptive mother, always curious about the “unknown”. I was adopted in the 70’s so my adoption was closed. When I asked questions, my mother would always share what little information that she had.
My biological parents were seniors in high school and not ready to raise a child. My birth mother went to live at a home for unwed mothers and missed most of the end of her senior year as I was born in June. What a sacrifice I always thought that she made for me all those years ago. I was told when I turned 18 I would be allowed to ask for my records to be opened. However, the law in Missouri changed to 21, meaning I had to wait a few more years. When I turned 21 I was a busy college student and having the time of my life – but my curiosity always got the better of me. I contacted Catholic Charities to find out about opening my file and finding out more about my biological family. Catholic Charities told me I could file a petition through the courts, but they suggested another way that might be faster to find my biological parents… There was a national registry for adoptees and biological families in Las Vegas. All I needed to do was fill out the form, mail it in and see what the results were. If my biological family had also registered, then we would be matched. I diligently filled out the form with what little information that I had: Where I was born, my DOB etc. I was shocked when a few weeks later someone from the registry called me to tell me that my biological parents had also registered – they had a match for me! Of course, all kinds of things went through my head: What if they matched me with the wrong person? What if they don’t really want to be contacted? All kinds of other questions as well. I took down the information – their names and phone numbers – and they told me I could reach out to them. I asked if they were going to contact my biological parents first to make sure they were aware I would be calling and they confirmed they would. My biological parents had not stayed together, but both had gone to college, gotten married, and had families.
I do not remember exactly how long I waited but I feel like it was a couple of days or a week before reaching out. What a strange phone call to make. “Hi, this is your daughter.” My adoptive parents were always very supportive of my search and I leaned on my mother especially during this emotional time. I finally called each of my biological parents and talked with them for a while. I then set up a time to meet with each of them separately at my parents’ home. Ironically, they both lived in the same town as I did. They had not kept in touch with one another over the years. Eventually, I met all of their children (my half siblings), as well as my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.
Growing up, my parents also did foster care. There were many babies and children we fostered over the years, and I loved it. I told my mom I wanted to be like the lady that came to our house to check on the foster babies when I grew up. I eventually did go to school for just that, and earned my master’s degree in social work. I fulfilled my dream when I landed my first job out of college working for Children’s Hope International, an international adoption agency in St. Louis. I loved getting to know the adoptive families, completing home studies and post adoption visits with them, and seeing their dreams of a family being fulfilled. I worked for Children’s Hope for over 20 years before taking my current job with Nightlight Christian Adoptions.
When my now husband and I began dating, I was always very open with him about my desire to adopt. He always supported the idea and was just as excited as I was. We ended up having 2 biological children before pursuing an international adoption. We first chose Vietnam, where I had lived for several months while setting up our office for Children’s Hope. As soon as we submitted our dossier, the country closed and we weren’t sure what was going to happen. We continued waiting on Vietnam to open. In the meantime, I was working with the China program among various others. One day I received a file of a 7 year old girl from China. I jokingly sent it to my husband telling him, “My co-workers think we should adopt this little girl from China.” He was very interested immediately and began asking questions. A year later, after updating our home study, redoing our dossier and sending everything to China, we all traveled across the ocean to bring our daughter home. Our other two children were thrilled – we had been talking about and trying to adopt for over 6 years and it was finally becoming a reality. I finally felt that my family was complete.
Today, I am still in contact with my biological parents. It was a great reunion for me and both relationships continue to be very positive. They both attended my college graduation, wedding and have been involved in my children’s lives as well. I know all adoption reunions do not go as smoothly, and I thank God for this blessing. I am also thankful for my relationship with my adopted daughter from China. While our stories are very different, I feel we have a connection of both being adoptees. I talk with her about her birth family regularly although nothing is known about them. I encourage her to seek them out and search for them one day. Although she does not seem to be interested quite yet, I hope one day she will be able to fill the void that I felt of the unknowns growing up. Adoption truly is one of God’s greatest blessings.