March 5, 2024

Searching for Certainty: A Birth Mom’s Perspective in Adoption

 

Considering adoption for your unborn child is one of the hardest and most selfless things a mother can do for her child. Adoption allows birth parents to control so many different factors of their unique adoption plan, but what about the unknown factors? What family will raise this child? What kind of life will they lead? Will this child know their birthmother’s deep and profound love for them as they grow older? These are all questions that swirl in the minds of mothers who contemplate the unknown future aspects of placing their child for adoption.

Sierra, a young woman in Florida, had all of these questions and more after learning of her pregnancy in late 2022. She was navigating a difficult time in her life, and despite all of her already growing challenges, she now faced the choice of creating an adoption plan for her unborn child. She met with a Nightlight Christian Adoptions pregnancy counselor in Florida after learning of her pregnancy, in order to better understand what adoption really looked like. We discussed her options and Sierra was intent on considering both parenting and adoption as her two preferred options. Over the course of a few months, however, her decision would lean more and more towards adoption. She thought about her current situation and recognized the surmounting challenges; ultimately, she wanted to choose a better life for this child, where she knew they would be safe, secure, and most importantly, given the unconditional love they deserve.

Around eight months into her pregnancy, Sierra was finally ready to consider potential adoptive families for her child. Sierra and her mom met with Nightlight staff to start looking at adoptive family profile books, which would give her a detailed view into what it would be like to place this child with different families. After looking at a few families, it seemed like the room stopped; she finally saw one family that would change both her and her child’s life. This family not only had a book, but they created a video of themselves illustrating their lives and their wishes in adoption. Sierra listened to their video as they expressed their desire for an open adoption, where they would embrace their future child’s birth relatives and invite them to become one extended family. She heard about how they had prayed for her long before they knew her. Hearing this, the tears started flowing and Sierra knew at last that she had found not just a family, but THE family meant for her adoption.

Soon after finding the adoptive family, Sierra, her mom, and her pregnancy counselor were at an OB appointment when they learned that Sierra would be induced to deliver – not next week, not tomorrow, but tonight. The time had come for her child to join our world and once again, the choice of adoption was at the front of her mind. Her son was born late into the night, bearing the same unimaginably strong nature as his birth mother. Over the following days, she cherished her time with her family and her newborn child at the hospital. Her pregnancy counselor continued to support her in whatever decision she was about to make for her son; if the decision would be adoption, it was Sierra’s choice to make.

After two days at the hospital with her baby, Sierra came back to those initial questions: What family will raise this child? Well, she knew the family she chose and their love for not only her son, but their unwavering love for HER; as a birth mom, as a friend, as a sister. What kind of life will my child lead? Sierra knew that this child would be cherished and supported by her chosen adoptive family. She knew that through adoption, her son would have siblings, extended family, and an entire community, both near and far, to lovingly guide this child throughout his life. Will this child know their birthmother’s deep and profound love for them as they grow older? YES. The family that she chose - that the Lord chose for her and her child - would build an open relationship with her and would uphold her motivations for choosing adoption: giving this child a different opportunity at life, filled with hope and love. And at the same time, giving her a different opportunity in life where she can know and connect with her child, while also working on the existing challenges in her life.

Almost a year after choosing adoption, Sierra is in a completely new stage of her life. She became sober, attended educational trainings and workshops, has a stable job, was reconnected with her family, and has grown into a new, adoptive family. She courageously presented her adoption story with her chosen adoptive family to an audience in Florida. During her testimony, she shared the following: “Adoption was one of the best decisions of my life. To them [my adoptive family], I’m not just a mother – I’m a friend. I’m happy that we share a baby and always will.” She continued to share how she’s formed a close relationship with her son’s adoptive mom, where they chat regularly and support one another. Sierra has been able to strengthen her faith through this relationship and shared her current favorite bible verse, which has helped her as she thinks about her adoption story: “’For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (Jeremiah  29:11).

Sierra’s initial questions about adoption have been answered as her relationship with her child and his adoptive family grows. After navigating what may have started as an unclear journey towards adoption, it is now clear that there is much certainty in the hope and future of her and her child.

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