You’ve applied, you’ve completed your Snowflakes Family Evaluation, and now you’re ready to be matched with embryos.
You’ve waited, and then… BING! The long-awaited email arrives—"You Have Been Matched!”
Maybe you open that message quickly; maybe you take it slow. You open the attachment.
At this point you may feel immediate excitement, ambiguity, or maybe even disappointment. The embryo donor family is exactly like you! Or…maybe they are exact opposites.
If you have chosen Snowflakes, you were drawn to the concept of embryo adoption at some level. While we could suggest that you look for a bulleted list of similarities between you and the embryo donor family, we want to suggest that you view your match as an introduction to embryos waiting to be adopted into a family who can give them a chance at life. This means that that the embryo donors you are reading about may or may not be like you. Instead, your match represents our team’s optimism that enough preferences between you, the embryo donor family, and your fertility clinic aligned for these embryos to potentially become part of your family.
We like to think of matching like a Venn diagram. The Snowflakes’ matching team is looking for the set of embryos that best meets all three parties’ needs. Your preferences, while important, are not the only factor to consider when you are choosing to accept a match.
If you are still concerned about a proposed match, consider what concerns you have and how you might address or express them.
If the concern is based on health history, is there something exceptional about this particular family’s health history? Consider your own family history for reference. If there is a serious medical concern which may be passed onto your adopted child, is it something your family could manage with adequate support and resources?
If the concern is based on family personality (e.g. interests, hobbies, and family values), what impact do you expect these differences to have on your relationship with the placing family? Do you expect these differences to be insurmountable or enriching?
If your concern is intangible or difficult to put into words, take some time (and maybe discuss with loved ones) what may be at the root of your unspoken concern. We understand that the matching process in any adoption can be scary, even though it is also exciting. Your adopting parent coordinator is happy to listen to your questions and concerns to help guide you through the process.
To learn more about Snowflakes, visit Snowflakes.org.
By Sage Vincent