A Book Review by Dana Poynter of “The Connected Parent: Real-Life Strategies for Building Trust and Attachment” authored by Karyn Purvis, PhD and Lisa Qualls with Emmelie Pickett
Several Nightlight employees, including myself, through a grant from Show Hope, had the privilege of becoming TBRI trained in 2012 by Dr. Karyn Purvis herself! Nine years later, this continues to be a highlight of training as an adoption professional. It is our intention that all Nightlight clients become familiar with the letters “TBRI” which stand for Trust-Based Relational Intervention and receive an introduction and understanding of what it means to be TBRI trained as they begin their adoption journey. As part of our Parent Education process, we require Nightlight clients read The Connected Child by Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross, the best-selling book in the category of adoption. It is our belief that much can be learned from their thorough research and resources on attaching with and parenting children from “hard places”, a term coined by Dr. Purvis.
When Dr. Purvis passed away in the Spring of 2016, after a long hard-fought battle with cancer, we at Nightlight, along with others familiar with her research, mourned her loss. When The Connected Parent was released in 2020, so many of us were excited to get our hands on a new resource backed by Dr. Purvis.
Lisa Qualls had approached Dr. Purvis about co-authoring a book wherein Ms. Qualls would explain how she used TBRI principles with her own children who were adopted. What transpired was a wonderful parenting guide for families who are parenting children who come from difficult beginnings. By combining Dr. Purvis’ research and strategies and Ms. Qualls (and others) real life situations, even more practical information is given for handling difficult parenting moments. The book not only shares advice on how to approach and direct children, but also how to help them heal.
The book is easy to read with short chapters ending with key takeaways and simple ideas of strategies to try “today”. The chapters are organized into three parts. The first part delves into understanding attachment. As always, TBRI focuses on a child’s cycle of attachment while also encouraging parents to consider their own history of attachment and the effects on current relationships. The second part addresses real life strategies, which include but is not limited to using scripts, nurturing practices, teaching respect, recognizing sensory concerns and adapting the strategies for all age groups. Part three reminds parents the importance of caring for themselves and applying the Empower, Connect, Correct strategies in their own lives to maintain hope and strength through the journey.
This book will remain in my personal collection of adoption references to be used as a guide in parenting my children from hard places.
When I came across Dr. Purvis and her material, I was blown away. I was a child from an extremely hard place! As a foster/adoptee in the 60’s, my a-parents had no idea what to do with four traumatized children. They kept us for seven years before they adopted us. I watched all her videos and read The Connected Child several times. I look forward to reading The Connected Parent!