October 26, 2020

When You Are Ready to Adopt But Your Spouse Is Not


Growing your family through adoption is a big decision that requires both parents who are fully committed and ready to adopt. It isn’t a decision to be taken lightly, or made on a whim, or without a lot of discussion as a couple. It is a mutual decision where


both parties have to be ALL IN.


I tend to plow into making decisions with my heart. I wanted to adopt as soon as I got married. My husband, thankfully, is the logical one who counterbalances my heart lead brain, and he made some compelling arguments for us to wait to adopt. Good arguments like waiting to finish our degrees and have stable good paying jobs and buy a house. Even when we were more settled and I still felt called to jump in headfirst, he still wasn’t ready. Then when we were both finally ready there were more major decisions that we had to agree on. I thought we should adopt siblings, but he only wanted to adopt one. Before we could plunge ahead, we had to


agree on what we wanted together as a couple.


Relationships in general are about compromises and finding a common middle ground where both feel comfortable. The key is patience. Couples should wait to adopt until both can agree it’s time to move forward. Don’t try to wear your spouse down or convince him or her before they’re ready, because the impact of adding a child through adoption is too huge and requires a lot of faith and commitment. If both parents aren’t on the same page the adoption may not be successful and the marriage may suffer as a result.


the key is patience.


Our family recently took a vacation to the Atlantic side of Florida and we were able to try surfing for the first time. If you’ve ever tried to surf you know that it isn’t easy. It takes patience and if you’re not ready for a wave it will knock you down. Adoption is kind of like those waves. If you’re not ready, patient, and prepared, the waves will knock you off balance. I’m a huge advocate for adoption but it isn’t for everyone. For those who decide adoption is for them they need to have a solid relationship with both fully committed before diving in. It was the best decision for our family to wait to adopt until we were both ready. Had I dragged my husband into the water before we were both ready,


we would’ve drowned.


To this day my husband says he was right to wait and have biological kids first because he said we needed practice parenting first. He will also tell you he was right to only have adopted one because our one child had many needs that require a lot of our attention. He may have been right on both accounts. I’m glad to have such a great partner on this adoption journey with me and to make these decisions with. Our family may not be done growing, but until we are both fully committed and ready to move forward again, we will be patient and trust God’s plan for our family.


If we are meant to adopt again, we will both be ready to face the waves together.


written by Angela Simpson, BSW | Home Study Manager | Domestic Program Coordinator

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