“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.”
Psalms 27:14 NIV
“That sounded like a long time.” We started our adoption journey in June of 2018. On our first call with Nightlight, they told us that it would likely be somewhere around 6-18 months from the time that we were home study approved until we had a child placed with us. That sounded like a long time, but we told ourselves that we were open to a lot of situations and that surely it would be sooner rather than later. By the end of October 2018, we were home study approved and officially waiting. At first, it was exciting! We threw ourselves into preparing, setting up the crib, buying diapers to start a stockpile. Our hearts would race every time the phone rang. We were eager to update friends and family when they asked how things were going. We read books, listened to podcasts, and did all the “right” things to prepare for this. After all, we could get “the call” any day and we had almost reached six months of waiting. Six months came and went, and then we had to start renewing our home study. “This will be the last time!” we told ourselves. Any day now!
“But our confidence was slowly eroding.” We each started having moments of doubt. However, God was faithful and one of us was always steadfast when the other was doubting. We knew God led us to this path, but why was it taking so long? Pridefully, we wondered terrible things like why an expectant mom picked another family and not us. We started to cringe when people asked if there was an update on the adoption. What was wrong with us? We would check in every month and ask for feedback on our profile. We got a lot of good feedback, but someone else was always chosen instead. It was so hard not having anything to “fix.” And I wanted to cry after each expectant mother said that they wanted a family without children. It broke my heart that they didn’t see what an amazing big sister our daughter would be.
“We dug deep into our faith…” During the adoption process we watched family members announce their pregnancy, deliver, and celebrate the baby’s first birthday. It was a constant struggle against pride, jealousy, and negativity. As we ran low on excitement, patience, and hope, we dug deep into our faith to keep us going. We had to rely on God’s strength rather than our own. We did Bible studies, fasted, and prayed more than we’ve ever prayed. Slowly, and with a lot of work, our hearts began to change. We prayed every day that God’s will would be done in HIS timing. We prayed for the expectant mother and all of the things she must be going through. We began to pray that when our profile was presented, the baby would end up in the family God had planned for him/her, rather than just that it would be our family that was chosen. When our daughter asked, we were able to remind her that God knew the perfect baby to join our family and when that baby was ready, he or she would be there. Don’t get me wrong, I sometimes struggled to believe those words. But, I continued to repeat what I knew must be true about God’s faithfulness. When the second Christmas came without a match, I was devastated. It had now been 14 months of waiting and we didn’t even have a match yet. The chances of us having a placement by 18 months were dwindling. But, we kept bringing ourselves back to the knowledge that we were certain God had brought us to adoption and we had to trust not only His plan, but also His timing.
“And then, it happened!” In February of 2020, after 470 days of officially waiting and over 19 months since we began the adoption process, we received the call. We had been chosen to parent our daughter who had been born three days earlier and was ready to be picked up just a few hours away. Within a few short hours of that call, we were holding our beautiful baby girl. I know you have heard it before, but it is true that you understand why you had to wait so long as soon as you see your child. It was her that God was preparing us for all along. And along the way, He was refining us as well. He was teaching us to be more patient and selfless. He was guiding us to think more of others than ourselves. He was showing us His sovereignty above all things and increasing our faith. The wait is not fun. Some days it is crushing. While I cannot say that we enjoyed the wait, I can say that we can now look back and appreciate the work that was done in us along the way. We became better people and more supportive spouses. We were able to teach our daughter what it looks like to trust in God’s goodness even when it is hard. No, the wait was not easy, but it was oh, so worth it!
written by a Domestic Adoptive Family