All members of the adoption triad play a profound role when considering any child’s adoption story. Birth parents are an irreplaceable piece to the puzzle, no matter what type of adoption being considered. They give life to children who, for whatever the reason, they are not parenting. Birth parents making an adoption plan for their child are brave, selfless, courageous, and, most of all, intentional. When many of us think about adoption, the word “orphan” is often one of the first words that comes to our mind. In many instances and for many reasons, sweet children who are waiting to be adopted do fit under this umbrella, and God has miraculous plans for them. There are no unwanted children, and while they may be earthly orphans for a time, they have a heavenly Father who never fails to see them or choose them. However, in most instances, little ones placed for adoption by birth parents are not orphans. Birth parents do not consider their children orphans, and birth parents who hear the word “orphan” in reference to the child they place for adoption often disagree, as these strong and honorable birth parents are purposeful and intentional about making a plan for their sweet little ones.
Birth parents making this decision do not take it lightly, wherever they are in their life. They not only have the courage to make the first contact with the adoption agency, but they also spend time considering the best openness plan for them and their child, the qualities they desire in an adoptive family, and the specific family who will raise, love, support, and nurture their child. The impact and magnitude of this decision is not lost on birth parents, as they search through families’ profiles books and videos and pray for their heart to point them in the direction of one family or another. No matter the amount of time a birth parent spends creating her adoption plan for her child, it is called a “plan” for a reason. Birth parents give life to little ones and choose to place them in another family’s arms, heart, and home.
It is no secret that adoption exists because of brokenness. When speaking with adoptive families and birth parents, I often refer to it as a “beautiful mess” as we make a plan for the little ones to come, and they truly appreciate the analogy—as we are all human and make mistakes on the journey of adoption. It is a beautiful, messy, sensitive, and somehow perfect ride as adoptive and birth families come together to make plans for little ones. Jody Landers’ popular quote about adoptive parenting paints a profound picture of adoption: “A child born to another woman calls me mom. The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me.”
Birth parents are brave, and most importantly, they are intentional.