We are Ben and Steph, and we’ve had an amazing experience with embryo adoption. After dealing with infertility, we looked into EA. We liked the pro-life aspect – rescuing little lives that are frozen in time, waiting just to be given a chance at life. Being pregnant was also a huge plus – forming that bond from the beginning and knowing that we could do our best to provide a healthy, happy 9 months for the baby. But at the core, we chose EA because we knew God was clearly leading us in that direction.
We have definitely faced the fear of disappointment along the way. Each time you do a transfer, you open your heart to the hope of your embryos surviving and being born, of holding a baby (or babies) in your arms. It’s a place of vulnerability known especially by those who have struggled with infertility. Also, what might be considered typical “adoptive parent” fears cropped up – that our child would someday reject us as the “real parents” or that because we adopted multi-ethnic embryos, our child would have just one more layer of questions and potential difficulty with us being the parents. These fears caused us to pause, take time to talk and pray together, and seek God’s reassurance before proceeding.
We are fortunate to know many families who have adopted – domestically, internationally, and through EA. Seeing their healthy, loving families was reassuring. Mostly it was how God spoke to our hearts that ultimately brought peace and courage to go on. Scriptures like Joshua 1:9 encouraged us to continue on the path God had led us to, knowing He was with us the whole way.
This entire experience is a journey of faith. We got pregnant from our first transfer in 2008 and were blessed with a beautiful girl. Recently we did two transfers that did not result in pregnancy; the cycle of emotions was very difficult! But even in loss, we felt God saying that no transfer is “unsuccessful”….each one is a success because it gives that opportunity for life, and we were encouraged that we had been faithful to do our part. The rest is in His hands. At one point of sadness, I (Steph) had said that I wanted to “know that I know that I know” that we should do another transfer – but implied was that I wanted to know we would get pregnant. God changed my perspective, and I realized that I couldn’t “know that I know that I know.” There’s always faith involved, it’s never a 100% guarantee. But without faith it is impossible to please God, so we continued praying and took steps of faith, remembering that God had called us to these embryos. We encouraged each other that these embryos were ours, we had adopted them, and we love them. We had committed to them.
Knowing that God has specifically called you to adopt is such an anchor of faith – one that kept us from giving up or being too discouraged when challenges came. Just like any process of becoming a parent, there can be ups and downs – but if it’s God’s plan, not only will you make it through, but you will be wildly amazed at the unimaginable blessing and joy that it brings! We never, ever could have dreamt of the awesome blessing that our daughter, and the process, has been.
We are still in the process. And we still have hope. We know God called us, He’ll give us all that we need to complete it, and He’s with us every step. God loves children, and His Word shows that He is especially passionate about the unborn. We are honored to be able to parent these most precious, vulnerable ones that He loves so much.