When we began adopting transracially, our families were very alarmed, and they didn’t hesitate to tell us. They were concerned about us being naive and unrealistic. About our ‘perfect’ one-boy-one-girl family being rocked so hard that it would be destroyed. They pointed out that with college expenses rising we couldn’t educate more than two — and most of all they stressed the fact that we were not black and therefore couldn’t parent kids who were!]
Not everyone was actually against us adopting, but there were sure a lot of concerns being voiced and it made me sad and unsure for a season.
That was 8 years, 6 adoptions and one pregnancy ago. Now when we talk about adopting again they shake their heads and say “I don’t understand you,” or “aren’t there other families waiting?” Or the one that makes my teeth grate “You know, you are exasperating the problem by adopting them.” Really? So not adopting will solve the situation? (Notice the amazing restraint I am showing here by not going into a personal tirade even as I type those last few words.)
My husband and I have been hinting for the past few months that we are looking forward to updating our homestudy soon. This provides another opportunity for the negative comments to flare up, as well as a chance for the positive to surface. I am the mom of kids from three different ethnic heritages, and I want to encourage you who are getting the negative from the world: I want to tell you that the positive from God is stronger. My children are beautiful; from lightest to darkest they are exactly who and what and where God has planned them to be. For those of you who are being harmed by negative words today, may you be blessed with a thick skin against the comments based on others’ fears — and a thin and tender skin to receive the blessings and encouragements that will also come. Welcome to the journey!