This is my ‘Monday list,’ todays top 10 tough realities of transethnic adoption that affect my daily life and weigh the heaviest on Monday. I know that all of them are manageable through Christ, but sometimes (especially on these long winter Mondays) they are seem a little overwhelming.
I will share my ‘Friday List’ next week – those are the innumerable blessings and joys that come with being a transethnic mom. By Friday is all looks good to me, what ever happened over the week is past and there is a break in the schedule with a Sabbath following.
Here are my Monday realities on transethnic adoption:
1. Not everyone will think transracial adoption is a good idea, and many people will feel the need to tell me. Even 8 years and 6 kids later!
2. Not everyone thinks I am up to the challenge and they tell me. (Of course I am not; it’s only through Christ any of us can parent well!)
3. I can’t avoid exploring many of the hard places of life with my adopted children because the issues are real and part of who they are.
4. Parenting is hard work. Adoptive parenting is hard +1 because there was a life before we met.
5. Adopting a newborn doesn’t solve all my problems; they still want to know about their history and understand why they were adopted.
6. Our family has been forever changed. No more ‘blending in.’
7. Racism and stereotypes hit home and become real in a painfully new way.
8. God will never leave me or forsake me, but he may let me beat my head against the wall when I am stiff-necked and stubborn.
9. I will never get used to the silly and stupid things strangers will say. But I am learning to extend them grace.
10. Many people we love want to know how we are doing and after hearing ‘great’ can only predict doom and failure in the future.
As a small child I was terrified of foerevr and ever. I could think about it for hours, trying to figure out when foerevr ended. The best thing my parents did for me was to assure me that I wouldn’t be alone in foerevr. There would be people who loved me there. Maybe that would help your daughter too a serious discussion about how your grandmother isn’t alone and she wouldn’t be alone either. Even if you don’t believe that, giving your daughter the comfort that she won’t be alone could be useful.
I am the mum of 2 bio’s and two African/American boys, we live in a small country town where we are seen to be “different”. But I love being a transracial family and we are so blessed..You are so right about racism taking on a whole new painful reality. Still, I would do it all again in a heartbeat. We are in the process of moving back to the USA and the thought of journeying again through adoption is very real, even at the age of 46!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I enjoyed the read.