My daughters keep their baby dolls in the freezer to keep them safe, just like they were. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I remember the pain of infertility so vividly. There was a time when I thought I wouldn’t be able to continue my career as a sonographer. Scanning pregnant women everyday felt unfair. I ached to relate to my patients. I wondered if I would ever know what the first trimester was like, how it felt to experience a baby move inside of you, the magic of birth, the chaos of motherhood.
My husband and I were young. Doctors were hopeful. But after three years of trying everything from pills to injections, an IUI, dozens of supplements, acupuncture, and two rounds of IVF resulting in one poor quality embryo, we felt like we had exhausted all of our options.
Our Reproductive Endocrinologist met with us over the phone since we were on vacation. He told us he was just as shocked as we were -- that on top of PCOS, a polyp removal and endometriosis, I likely had poor egg quality. We could continue to throw money at IVF in hopes we could find one good egg, or we could explore adoption or embryo adoption.
We spent the remainder of our vacation processing and researching our options. A couple weeks later, I found myself calling Nightlight. I remember our phone call bringing me hope. We already had some diversity in the family through domestic adoption of our two nieces. My husband thought pregnancy would be a great way for him to bond and we both thought it would be good for me to experience carrying a pregnancy, especially given my job. I was guarded as it would mean more chances of experiencing more negative pregnancy tests. But we were thrilled when we chose Nightlight, and I started to hope again. Eager to begin, we sped through the requirements in two months. We were matched quickly and found out I was pregnant with one embryo after our first transfer of two.
When I met our first daughter, it was a redemptive experience for me. Now I’m chasing around her biological sister, too. While the heartache of infertility will always be part of me, I'm grateful for the path it led my husband and me to. I got to experience all those things I hoped for, and now I'm knee-deep in the chaos of motherhood filled with gratitude for Nightlight and our embryo adoption journey.