Balancing structure and nurture

https://empoweredtoconnect.org/create-a-balance-of-nurture-structure/

Importance of play

https://empoweredtoconnect.org/resources/whats-your-play-personality/

https://child.tcu.edu/store/healing-families-dvds/playful-interaction/#sthash.CPxzjDqx.dpbs

Attachment Cycle

Book: Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell

Learning in discipline

Book: Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control: A Love-Based Approach to Helping Attachment-Challenged Children with Severe Behaviors by Heather T. Forbes

Naming Emotions

https://www.pbs.org/parents/learn-grow/all-ages/emotions-self-awareness

RAD vs Trauma

https://serenitylinkscoaching.com/2016/10/20/rad-vs-developmental-trauma/

Book: Wounded Children, Healing Homes by Jayne Schooler

Self-esteem

https://drrobynsilverman.com/how-to-build-self-esteem-in-kids-who-were-adopted-or-fostered-with-dr-sue-cornbluth/

https://www.bcadoption.com/resources/articles/self-esteem-children-color

Grief and loss

https://www.adoptioncouncil.org/publications/2016/03/adoption-advocate-no-93

When parents don’t attach

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/parents-fail-attach-adopted-child/?utm_source=Creating+a+Family&utm_campaign=1185b1f9e3-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2018_02_03&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_70335ef345-1185b1f9e3-27345717

Connecting with pre-teens

https://www.hopkinsallchildrens.org/Patients-Families/Health-Library/HealthDocNew/Connecting-With-Your-Preteen

Secure attachment

http://theattachedfamily.com/membersonly/?article=creating-a-secure-attachment-in-the-adopted-child

Self-esteem/positive self-worth

https://www.adoptioncouncil.org/publications/2020/11/adoption-advocate-no-149

Book: Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self-  By: David M. Brodzinsky, Robin Marantz Henig

Discipline with teens

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/setting-limits-discipline-adopted-teens/

Book: Whole Brain Discipline by Dr. Daniel Seigel

Connecting with teens

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/4-powerful-ways-to-love-your-teens-and-help-them-like-you-back-maybe/

Attachment with teens

https://pactadopt.medium.com/laughter-attachment-and-adopting-older-kids-612c52c50747

Book: The 5 Love Languages of Teenagers: The Secret to Loving Teens Effectively by Gary Chapman

Voices of adult adoptees

https://consideringadoption.com/adopted/adoptee-support/adoptee-blogs/

Attachment with adult children

https://nobelcoaching.com/supporting-childrens-transition-to-adulthood/

This section isn’t just for domestic adoption. You may not have information on your child’s international biological family but that doesn’t mean you won’t encounter many of these themes with your child as they get older and have questions about where they come from.

Telling their adoption story from birth

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption/adoptionsuggestedbooks/books-kids-talking-kids-birthparents/

Your child’s difficult story

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/talking-difficult-parts-adopted-childs-history/

Book: Telling the Truth to your Adopted Child by Jayne Schooler

Lifebooks

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/creating-attachment-adopted-kids-lifebooks/

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption/adoptionsuggestedbooks/books-kids-talking-kids-birthparents/

Birth Siblings

https://www.cradle.org/blog/adoption-and-birth-siblings-advice-parents

https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/talking-about-adoption/when-how-to-tell-child-she-has-birth-siblings/

Talking about adoption

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/talking-with-young-children-about-adoption-and-birth-parents/

Curious and independent

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/talking-with-young-children-about-adoption-and-birth-parents/

Engage your child’s background

https://consideringadoption.com/helpful-hints-for-homeland-tours/

Identity development in closed adoptions

https://lavenderluz.com/no-birth-parent-information/

Telling your child their full story

http://www.adoptioncouncil.org/publications/2019/11/adoption-advocate-no-137

Social media birth family interactions

https://adoptionsupport.org/dear-ellen-navigating-teens-online-search-and-reunion-process/

Webinar: https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/adoption-in-the-age-of-facebook-twitter-and-the-internet/

Birth parent searching

https://consideringadoption.com/adopted/search-and-reunion/preparing-for-an-adoption-search-and-reunion

https://adoptioncouncil.org/publications/adoption-advocate-no-90/

Developing identity

https://adoptionsupport.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/01/6-Questions-Every-Adopted-Teen-Wants-Answered.pdf

DNA tests

https://www.azcentral.com/story/news/local/arizona-best-reads/2017/11/30/genetic-ancestry-dna-testing-connects-adoptees-birth-parents-what-happens-next/702738001/

https://www.cradle.org/blog/how-dna-testing-kits-are-changing-search-and-reunion

Managing birth parent relationships

Video: https://www.angelatucker.com/documentaryfilms

Thinking about adoption

https://adoptionsupport.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/06-Talking-with-Children-Teen-Years.pdf

Navigating openness

https://adoptionsupport.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/Birthparents-On-Their-Mind.pdf

Birth siblings

https://consideringadoption.com/adopted/adoptee-relationships/birth-sibling-relationships/

Access to birth records

https://oldwebsite2023.nightlight.org/2018/04/searching-personal-journey-searching-birth-parents/

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubPDFs/infoaccessap.pdf

These resources are not specific to children adopted at an older age. Even if you adopted a child as an infant, we know their in utero environment and experience can also have lasting impacts on their emotional and behavioral development. Review these resources below no matter what age or location your child was adopted.

Discipline vs punishment

https://www.understood.org/en/school-learning/for-educators/classroom-management/the-difference-between-discipline-and-punishment

Impacts of trauma

Books: Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents by Deborah Gray and Toddler Adoption: The Weaver’s Craft by Mary Hopkins-Best

Science of trauma

Book: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog: And Other Stories from a Child’s Psychiatrist’s Notebook – What traumatized children can teach us about loss, love, and healing by Dr. Bruce Perry

Food Issues

https://oldwebsite2023.nightlight.org/2010/12/nutrition-and-the-internationally-adopted-child-sensory-and-food-issues/#more-2676

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/hoarding-overeating-food-obsessions-adopted-foster-kids/

Sexual abuse and body safety

https://www.thechildrensbookreview.com/weblog/2018/09/5-books-for-teaching-your-kids-about-body-safety-and-consent.html

https://www.nsvrc.org/preventing-child-sexual-abuse-resources

Learning struggles

https://blog.edmentum.com/parent%E2%80%99s-guide-special-education-and-iep-process

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption/adoptionsuggestedbooks/add-learning-differences/

Classrooms and trauma

https://www.weareteachers.com/10-things-about-childhood-trauma-every-teacher-needs-to-know/

http://www.adoptioncouncil.org/publications/2014/09/adoption-advocate-no-75

Healing from trauma

Book: Primal Wound by Nancy Newton Verrier

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0963648004/?tag=tapebook01-20

Podcast: https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/helping-children-heal-from-past-trauma-and-loss/

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)

https://burkefoundation.org/what-drives-us/adverse-childhood-experiences-aces/

Seeing beyond behavior

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/child-trauma/

Depression and mental health

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/adopted-teens-likely-kill/

Let’s talk about sex

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/sexual-development-in-adopted-children/

Substance use and trauma

https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma/populations-at-risk/trauma-and-substance-abuse

Raising teenagers

Book: Parenting in the Eye of the Storm: The Adoptive Parent’s Guide to Navigating the Teen Years by Katie Naftzger

Book: Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel

Mental health

https://www.swiftriver.com/adoption-mental-health-issues/

Developmental milestones

https://www.understood.org/en/friends-feelings/teens-tweens/risky-behavior/adhd-driving-tips

Six themes for teens

https://www.holtinternational.org/pas/newsletter/2018/12/05/six-themes-for-the-adopted-adolescent/

Book: Beneath the Mask: For Teen Adoptees, by Debbie Riley

https://adoptionsupport.org/store/teens/

Find your child’s strengths

https://parentandteen.com/helping-teens-become-their-best-selves-building-success-from-strengths/

Though these resources below are listed by age, with inaccurate birthdays and developmental delays, you may encounter situations with your child that fit under a different age. Be sure to read over all these topics below for guidance with your child now and in the future.

Age 1 – Rapid brain development

 https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/positiveparenting/infants.html

Age 2 – Curious and independent

https://www.askdrsears.com/topics/parenting/discipline-behavior/bothersome-behaviors/temper-tantrums/toddler-tantrums

Age 3 – Communication and expectations

https://empoweredtoconnect.org/resources/using-time-in-instead-of-time-out/

https://empoweredtoconnect.org/resources/keys-to-an-effective-time-in/

Age 4 – Teach correct behavior

https://www.international-adoption-facts-and-information.com/positive-reinforcement-parenting.html

Age 5 – Independence

https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/actearly/milestones/milestones-5yr.html

Age 6 – Lifebooks

https://oldwebsite2023.nightlight.org/2018/12/creating-a-life-book-for-you-adoptive-foster-child/

Age 7 – Control and manipulation

https://empoweredtoconnect.org/resources/how-do-i-handle-manipulation-control/

Age 8 – Earning independence

https://empoweredtoconnect.org/resources/fostering-healthy-independence/

Age 9 – Nutrition

http://thefeedingdoctor.com/resources/

Age 10 – Anxiety

https://childmind.org/article/what-to-do-and-not-do-when-children-are-anxious/

Book: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk

Age 11 – Growing independence and trust

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/adoption-blog/9-things-adoptive-parents-must-do-before-age-13/

https://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/tweens/tweens-preteens

Age 12 – Building trust in independence

Book: Pieces of Me: Who Do I Want to Be? Voices for and by Adopted Teens By: Robert L. Ballard

Age 13 – Connecting with adopted peers

Video: https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/adopted-teens-talk-about-adoption-family-identity/

Book: Adopted: The Ultimate Teen Guide (It Happened to Me)

Age 14 – Launching

Podcast: https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/parenting-adopted-teens-and-tweens/

Age 15 – Parenting teens

https://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/parent-teenager/

Age 16 – Between childhood and adulthood

https://keepconnected.searchinstitute.org/understanding-ages-and-stages/ages-15-18/

Age 17 – Balancing privacy

https://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/riding-the-waves-of-the-teen-years/teens-privacy-balance-key/

Age 18 – Resources for your adult child

Book: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective College Students: Succeeding in College… and in life by Stephen R. Covey

Book: Pieces of Me: Who do I Want to Be. Voices for and by adopted teens edited by Robert L. Ballard

Book: Find a Stranger, Say Goodbye by Lois Lowry

Book: Journey of the Adopted Self: A Quest for Wholeness by Betty Jean Lifton

Book: Coming Home to Self: The Adopted Child Grows Up by Nancy Newton Verrier

Self-regulation

https://childmind.org/article/can-help-kids-self-regulation/

Sensory Processing Disorder

https://www.sensorysmarts.com/signs_of_spd.html

Books: The Out of Sync Child: Recognizing and Coping with Sensory Processing Disorder by Kranowitz and Miller and Everyday Games for Sensory Processing Disorder

Lying

https://www.kidsinthehouse.com/adoption/parenting-adopted-children/common-challenges/why-your-adopted-child-may-be-prone-lying

https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/how-to-deal-with-lying-in-children-and-teens/

Substance exposure

Book: The Mystery of Risk: Drugs, Alcohol, Pregnancy, and the Vulnerable Child by Ira J. Chasnoff, MD

Book: Damaged Angels: An Adoptive Mother’s Struggle to Understand the Tragic Toll of Alcohol in Pregnancy by Bonnie Buxton

Book: Understanding Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder: A Guide to FASD for Parents, Carers and Professionals by Maria Catterick and Liam Curran

Socialization

Book: The Science of Making Friends: Helping Socially Challenged Teens and Young Adults, 2013 by Elizabeth A. Laugeson, Psy.D.

Medication and Diagnoses

http://www.chcs.org/media/CMCUeducationalbooklet572010pdf.pdf

https://www.americanbar.org/groups/public_interest/child_law/resources/child_law_practiceonline/child_law_practice/vol_31/Feb12/psychotropic_medicationandchildreninfostercaretipsforadvocatesan/

Discipline

https://empoweredtoconnect.org/resources/the-ideal-response-for-parents/

https://empoweredtoconnect.org/resources/responding-to-aggressive-and-violent-behavior/

Social media and internet safety

https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/management/workforce/socialmedia/safety/

Adopted teens and dating

https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/talking-about-adoption/teens-and-dating/

Adoption documents

https://mljadoptions.com/blog/5-reasons-re-adopt-internationally-adopted-child-20150812

College preparation

https://adoptionsupport.org/general/college-choices-adopted-teens/

Building resiliency

https://parentandteen.com/building-resilience-in-teens/

Stages of development

https://www.uua.org/files/documents/derman-sparkslouise/1206_233_identity_stages.pdf

Book: Black Baby White Hands: A View from the Crib by Jaiya John

Building a positive narrative

https://creatingafamily.org/adoption-category/adoption-blog/moving-from-racial-awareness-to-racial-identity/

Book: Does Anybody Else Look Like Me? By Donna Jackson Nakazawa

Racism in school

https://www.thoughtco.com/how-racism-affects-public-school-minorities-4025361

https://www.kickboardforschools.com/diversity-equity/6-ways-to-prevent-racism-in-schools/

https://oldwebsite2023.nightlight.org/2020/08/talking-kids-about-racism/

Role models for racial identity

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGZniOuoREU

Book: Why are all the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria by Dr Beverly Tatum

Video: Beverly Daniel Tatum: Why Are All of the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? Video recorded at Chicago Humanities Festival, June 2018

Racial role models

Book: In their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories by Rita J Simon and Rhonda M. Roorda

Children’s books to help start conversations about race and culture:

The Keeping Quilt by Patricia Polacco

Little Miss Spider by David Kirk

The Little Snowgirl by Carollyn Croll

A Little Story About a Big Turnip by Tatiana Zunshine

A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasra

Over the Moon by Karen Katz

Seeds of Love by Mary Ebejer Peteryl

Three Cheers for Catherine the Great! By Cari Best

Through Moon and Stars and Night Skies by Kristine Wise

I Don’t Have Your Eyes by Carrie Kitze (China adoption)

I Am Latino: The Beauty in Me by Myles and Sandra Pinkney (Latin America)

We Wanted You by Liz Rosenberg (Latin America)

Mommy’s Heart Went POP! by Christina Kyllonen and Peter Greer (Africa)

Africa Is Not A Country by Margy Burns Knight (Africa)

Mishka (2-8) by Adrienne Ehlert Bashista (Eastern Europe/Russia)

Borya and the Burps: An Eastern European Adoption Story by Joan McNamara (Eastern Europe/Russia)

When I Met You by Adrienne Ehlert Bashista (Eastern Europe/Russia)