“I am making an adoption plan.” “I want my child to have a family who can give them more.” “I am not ready to be a parent.” These are all statements that might be running through your mind when you are thinking about making an adoption plan for your baby. These thoughts are hard enough to think, let alone say aloud to your loved ones. Family and friend relationships can be messy. Everyone has an opinion and you do not always know how information will be received, especially about something as delicate as adoption. When we think about these difficult conversations, our minds can easily think about the worst-case scenario. While those extreme situations are possible, often times, things go better than how we expected. Regardless, having this conversation, with either loved ones, or casual acquaintances, is not a walk in the park.
Telling those closest to you feels daunting. You might be able to guess how they will react. They may try to tell you that they will help you parent, or question how you could be making such an extreme decision. These loved ones might experience a level of grief as well, as they are losing the potential of a grandchild, niece, or nephew. When having these conversations, it is important to be honest and direct, while also being understanding of their point of view. Your decision to place your child for adoption took a lot of time, thought, and prayer. Your loved ones might need that same amount of time to process your plans. If they see that you feel secure and confident in your decision, they are more likely to support you and understand your perspective. There may always be people who will not support you, or those who are constantly questioning and pestering you for more information. At the end of the day, YOU are in control of how you handle your side of the conversation. Having support from loved ones is essential when making an adoption plan. No one is meant to go through this alone. Having people in your corner will only benefit you when you are at your lowest. Below are a few practical tips to help you have these hard conversations.
- Be honest, communicating clearly what your intentions are.
- Start with those who you feel confident will support you. They can help you have future conversations with those who might not receive the news as well.
- Give the same amount of time, grace and empathy that you would like to receive from them. This is not easy news to receive.
- Educate your loved ones about how the adoption process works. There may have been some myths and misconceptions you believed prior to learning about the specifics of the process. Your loved ones might believe those as well.
- Be prepared to explain why. While not everyone needs all of the nitty gritty details, those closest to you will have questions.
- Focus on the positive. At the end of the day, you are choosing adoption because it is in the best interest of your child. Remind them of that.
- Set boundaries as needed. Be clear about your plan and the expectations you have for your loved ones moving forward.
- Stay connected with your pregnancy counselor and adoption professionals. We are here to support you regardless of your decision and can assist you with these daunting conversations.
If these conversations feel impossible and out of reach, please contact the pregnancy counselor in your state to help you navigate these conversations.