Trans-ethnic adoption is an issue to be addressed in any adoption. Adopting an embryo trans-ethnically can force a couple to consider a new and very different comfort zone.
Most families do not consider a trans-ethnic adoption of embryos because they will be experiencing a pregnancy and giving birth to a child. This experience is as close to having biological children as any adoption can be. The initial reaction of most is that the children we give birth to should look like us or at least be the same ethnicity or combination thereof as the parents. Embryo adoption is unusual enough, and to ask families to consider a trans-ethnic adoption may cause pause. A very long pause. A family’s emotional capacity could be stretched; yet, for some, trans-ethnic adoption could be the very right decision.
First, embryo adoption as with all adoptions, is not to create children for couples. As with all adoption, it is a means to allow children to grow in a loving family. Second, some embryos, as with some orphans, wait longer for a family because of their race/ethnicity. Unlike other children, they are faceless and nameless. Their cute little faces do not have the chance to say, “Yes, I look different from you, but I sure am adorable.” These embryos, like all orphans, need a family to love them.
Even for families who more than eagerly would adopt across ethnic lines, the idea of delivering a baby outside of their ethnicity would cause concern of what the experience would be like and the reaction of others.
A white woman in a store with a black or bi-racial child may experience that ever-so-familiar “look” that says, “So you had a child with a man of another ethnicity! How could you?” A mother of a child adopted through embryo adoption may experience this when she delivers her child. Imagine the faces of the hospital staff, quite alarmed that a white woman is delivering a Filipino, black, Hispanic, Asian, or Native American child. The staff’s sensibilities could be further tweaked when a middle-class white woman, with a white husband, produces such a child! If you have great confidence and a sense of humor, you will be like any other trans-ethnic adoptive family— conspicuous in expressing yourselves as a multi-ethnic family.
Even if you do not adopt trans-ethnically, in an embryo adoption, as with nearly any other adoption, your child may not look like you. He may eventually tower over you; he may have brown eyes, when both you and your spouse have blue eyes. His hair may be dark and curly while yours is straight and blond. He will be your child regardless.
All children give us an opportunity to grow. They give us a chance to express God’s love and character. Adopting an embryo is a strong statement as to how you feel about pre-born life. Adopting outside of your ethnicity could be a further indication of the strength and courage you have within and how you choose to express it in word and deed.