Finding out you're unexpectedly pregnant can bring up a lot of emotions and decisions, one of the most significant being what to do about your pregnancy. If you're considering adoption, one important choice you'll need to make is whether to pursue an open adoption or a closed adoption. Understanding the difference between these two options will help you make a more informed decision about what feels best for you, your child, and the future.
In this blog post, we’ll walk you through what open and closed adoption are, how each type works, and how you can choose the option that aligns with your desires for your child's future.
- What is Open Adoption?
Open adoption means that you, as the birthmother, and the adoptive family agree to maintain some level of contact after the adoption is finalized. This contact can vary depending on your comfort level and the terms agreed upon, but it usually involves sharing updates, letters, photos, and sometimes even meeting in person.
In an open adoption, you have the opportunity to:
- Exchange Information: You and the adoptive family can share updates, photos, and letters about the child's growth and development. This helps you stay connected and reassured about the child’s well-being.
- Maintain Contact: Some open adoptions include regular in-person visits, while others might only involve letters or emails. The level of communication is flexible and based on what works for everyone involved.
- Know Your Child's Well-Being: If you want to know how your child is doing, an open adoption can provide you with that peace of mind. You may receive updates, pictures, or even stories about your child as they grow.
Benefits of Open Adoption:
- Connection: Open adoption allows you to stay connected with your child, which can be comforting for some birthmothers who want to maintain a relationship with their child, even from afar.
- Reassurance: Knowing how your child is doing and seeing them grow can give you peace of mind and help you feel that your decision was the right one.
- For Your Child: Open adoption can provide your child with a sense of understanding about their background, and help them know that they were loved even before they were placed for adoption.
Challenges of Open Adoption:
- Emotional Complexity: Maintaining contact with your child and the adoptive family can stir up emotions. It’s important to be ready for the emotional impact of these ongoing connections.
- Boundaries: Open adoption requires clear boundaries. It’s important to establish what you’re comfortable with and communicate those boundaries with the adoptive family. This can be challenging for some birthmothers, especially if they’re uncertain about how much contact they want.
- What is Closed Adoption?
In contrast, closed adoption is when there is no contact or exchange of information between the birthmother and the adoptive family after the adoption is finalized. All identifying information, such as names, addresses, and other personal details, are kept confidential. In a closed adoption, both parties agree to a complete separation, with no ongoing communication or updates about the child’s life.
With closed adoption, you might:
- Not Receive Updates: You won’t receive any updates, letters, or photos about your child. Once the adoption is finalized, the adoptive family becomes the child's legal parents, and you will not have any further communication.
- Have Privacy: A closed adoption offers a greater degree of privacy for both the birthmother and the adoptive family. This can be important for some women who want to move forward with their lives and not remain emotionally tied to the adoption.
- Finality: Closed adoption offers a sense of closure. It may be a way for you to fully move on from the experience, knowing that your child is in a safe, loving home, but you won’t have any direct connection.
Benefits of Closed Adoption:
- Privacy: If you prefer to maintain your privacy and not share personal information, closed adoption allows for this. It can help create a clean break and reduce the emotional complexities that come with ongoing contact.
- Emotional Distance: Some birthmothers find that having no contact with the adoptive family helps them emotionally move on after the adoption process, without reminders or triggers that might make them feel conflicted.
- Less Pressure: In a closed adoption, there is no need to manage the expectations of communication or maintain boundaries. This can be less stressful for some women.
Challenges of Closed Adoption:
- Uncertainty: You won’t have updates about how your child is doing, and this uncertainty can leave some birthmothers feeling anxious or wondering about their child’s well-being.
- Questions from Your Child: In the future, your child may want to know more about their background, and this may create a situation where you or the adoptive family have to handle these questions in a delicate way.
- Lack of Connection: Some birthmothers struggle with the complete separation and may feel a sense of loss or regret over not having the option to stay connected with their child.
- How to Decide: Which Option is Right for You?
The decision between open and closed adoption is highly personal, but our decades of social work experience causes us to promote and prefer open adoption. Each type of adoption has its benefits and challenges, and your decision will depend on your feelings, needs, and what you feel is best for your child.
Here are some things to consider when making your decision:
- Your Desire for Connection: Do you want to stay in touch with your child? Do you think you’ll find comfort in knowing how they’re doing or seeing pictures as they grow? If you desire some level of connection, an open adoption might be the better option for you.
- Emotional Readiness: Are you emotionally prepared for the ongoing relationship that comes with open adoption? Some birthmothers find that maintaining contact can be healing, while others feel that it’s too painful. Understanding your emotional needs is key to making the right decision.
- Privacy and Boundaries: If privacy and a clean break are more important to you, a closed adoption might feel more comfortable. You’ll need to decide if you want to share your personal information and whether you’re open to future contact.
- Your Child’s Future: In an open adoption, your child might benefit from having access to information about their birth family in the future. Some birthmothers find comfort in knowing that their child will have this option, while others may prefer the finality of closed adoption.
- What Can You Expect From the Adoption Agency?
When working with an adoption agency, they will guide you through the process and help you understand the differences between open and closed adoption. They can provide counseling to help you explore your feelings and make the decision that feels best for you.
An adoption counselor can:
- Help you understand the emotional implications of both options.
- Discuss the practicalities of maintaining contact in an open adoption, such as how to set boundaries and communicate with the adoptive family.
- Offer support as you process your feelings and make the best choice for yourself and your child.
Conclusion
Choosing adoption is a big decision, and the choice between open and closed adoption can be one of the most significant parts of that decision. Both options have benefits and challenges, and the right choice for you will depend on your desires, your emotions, and what you feel is best for your child.
Remember, there is no right or wrong choice. What’s most important is that you make a decision that feels true to yourself and your child’s future. The adoption process can be emotionally complex, but with the right support and guidance, you can move forward with confidence and peace of mind.
If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy and considering adoption, take the time to explore both options and talk with professionals who can help guide you through this journey. You are not alone, and support is available to help you make the best choice for your child and your future.