Our journey through infertility has been a profound testament to perseverance, love, and the unexpected paths life can take. My wife and I have been together since we were both nineteen and our bond deepened through shared joys and sorrows that have shaped us into the family we are today.
Our life together began with a tragedy—my wife's father passed away in a horrific motorcycle accident. I reached out to offer comfort and support, where our bond and fondness for each other grew. She had a young son, Blake, whom I embraced as my own and raised with pride into the remarkable 16-year-old he is today. Our desire to expand our family grew strong, particularly poignant for me after my mother passed away when I was in my late 20s, realizing she would never meet our children, should we have any together.
Determined to unravel the mystery of our infertility, I took a job at a local EMS company for health insurance and began our medical journey. Initial tests revealed no issues with my fertility, prompting further investigation into my wife's health. Shockingly, we discovered she had early-stage cervical cancer. A devastating blow that threatened our dreams of parenthood. After a biopsy and subsequent negative screenings, we moved forward optimistically but faced repeated disappointments, even with fertility medications.
Further complications arose when we learned one of my wife's fallopian tubes was blocked, necessitating a painful procedure to open it. Undeterred by these challenges, we pursued IUI without success, prompting our OB-GYN to recommend consulting a fertility specialist. Transitioning to a fertility clinic in the Houston area marked a turning point, where we learned my wife also had PCOS but possessed a remarkably high follicle count, a hopeful sign amidst our struggles.
Choosing to proceed with IVF felt like a leap of faith—a decision that gave us 24 viable embryos. Months later, our first IVF attempt resulted in the birth of our son, Levi, a moment that filled our hearts with immeasurable joy and gratitude.
Our journey continued with both triumphs and heartbreaks—a miscarriage followed by a successful twin pregnancy from our third embryo transfer. With our family complete, we faced the decision of what to do with our remaining embryos, ultimately choosing to donate them through Snowflakes Embryo Adoption to adoptive couples seeking to build their families.
Navigating the adoption process was emotional, filled with careful consideration and tough decisions. Despite setbacks, including families turning us down, we eventually found what we believe to be perfect matches. Our journey, which began with uncertainty and pain, transformed into a journey of hope and generosity, helping others navigate their own paths through infertility.
Throughout it all, the emotional roller coaster of infertility tested our resilience. My wife's PCOS, compounded by our delayed attempt at parenthood, added complexity to our struggle. Yet, our determination never wavered. If there's one lesson we've learned from our journey, it's the importance of perseverance and unwavering hope.
Today, as we look back on our journey, we are filled with gratitude for our children and the families we've been able to help. Our story is one of strength, love, and the incredible power of never giving up on your dreams.
Four years later, we gave up ‘trying’ and surrendered it to God. Our fertility clinic suggested IVF, and we decided it was time to give it a shot (pun intended). We were lucky, and that cycle resulted in our first daughter, Abrie, and two years later, Charlotte.
That IVF cycle left us with four remaining embryos, which (in all honesty) freaked us out.
We had no desire for a large family, but as Christians discarding the embryos or donating them to science didn’t feel right either. We were in limbo, so we did what a lot of couples do and paid the embryo storage fee to avoid making a decision.
Eventually, we stumbled on an infertility documentary called ‘One More Shot’. It was the first time we considered embryo donation as a possibility. Seeing a real family successfully adopt and give birth to embryos made us rethink that option. It still made us uncomfortable to think about a child born to a family we did not know, but we prayed for clarity. God slowly softened our hearts, and we became at ease with the decision.
Our fertility clinic suggested Snowflakes to learn more. We had no idea what we were getting into. We thought it was like a sperm donor, where we would sign over the embryos and never hear from them again. We had no idea it was an open adoption program and that we could get to pick the family or stay in communication if we wanted to. I think God was guarding us through the process because as the information unfolded, we became more and more open minded.
It was almost comical how much we had in common and how instantly we clicked. We immediately said yes. The adoptive family viewed our profile in return and graciously adopted our embryos.
The first three transfers failed, but the last and final transfer was a success! In May 2024, they gave birth to a sweet miracle baby, Stella. We are ecstatic knowing they will be able to give this child more love and attention than we would have ever been able to. We started with letters, then emails, and texts. Now we Facetime and hope to meet them one day soon.
Our two daughters will grow up knowing and loving their ‘sorta sister’ Stella. When we were going through infertility, I used to ask God, “Why us?” Now I smile because I know why God chose us… It was for Stella.
A few years ago, when I mentioned to someone that my husband, Ben, and I were considering placing our remaining embryos for adoption, she said, “That’s so weird.”
The hurt ran deep and I doubted myself in those moments. I wish I could go back and tell myself what would unfold because honestly, she could not have been further from the truth. Embryo adoption has felt like the most wonderful, loving, and special thing I have ever done in my life, second only to becoming a mom.
When we were faced with infertility, we trusted and believed in the Lord’s plan for our lives. I am not saying it was not hard or there were not tears or worries but we knew in our hearts that God would provide.
After our son was born, we flew to Seattle for another round of IVF. I prayed on the airplane, “What on earth will we would do with any extra embryos that resulted from this cycle?”
I felt an immediate answer to prayer; God would answer more than my prayers with this cycle. I felt that I was following exactly what He wanted me to do and that my obedience would lead to a multitude of blessings for many. I envisioned a picture in my head: a blonde woman holding her babies.
Again, I am not trying to gloss over the hard: I still could not bend over from swollen ovaries, we still spent more money than we had in the bank, and we still were scared and holding tightly to hope.
We landed in Seattle. We completed our cycle. We became pregnant with our daughter, and we had nine embryos remaining in frozen storage.
After she was born, we hung up our IVF and pregnancy hats, and decided that for two years we would not even discuss babies. Instead, focusing on just living and parenting. I really wanted to have more children but I could not imagine doing IVF again.
When our daughter turned two, I started talking to Ben about embryo adoption. With tears in my eyes, I said what I have been thinking for a long time: I could not do IVF again. The medications were so hard on my body, it was a massive financial burden, and emotionally, I could not imagine another miscarriage (which had happened in between our two children).
With some Googling and internet sleuthing, I found the Snowflakes Program. Such an answer to prayer, as I knew that my embryos were children of God and needed to be treated with the utmost care. I timidly started the process in the spring of 2022. With each hurdle, question, and fear, God gently healed our hearts and led us through the process until we knew in our bones we were making the perfect and right decision.
With each question, came beautiful answers…
“Could I give away my babies?” They are not my babies. They belong to God. He is the author of their story and I would follow his leading.
“Could someone else raise these sweet ones in a way that honors God?” Yes, this wonderful program allowed for me to list that I wanted Christians, in a two-parent home, to adopt our embryos.
“Would my children be able to meet their biological siblings someday?” Snowflakes encourages the process of an open adoption.
“Would anyone adopt them?” We were told that it might take over a year to get them matched. However, within months, God provided the most beautiful family. When I opened their profile, would you believe it? A beautiful blonde haired woman in need of and waiting for the babies God handpicked for her.
“Will it hurt? Will I be able to give them away?” Every few days, the summer of 2022, I cried and cried--wishing that my story had been different. That I would have been able to get pregnant the good old-fashioned way. But my story was not different, and with prayer and acceptance, God led me to a beautiful place. My continual prayer was not my will, but God’s will. My husband and I laid down our dreams, plans, and hopes and sacrificially gave away our little embryos. We followed where God had led us. When we left the notary’s office, after signing our donation contract, I felt such a peace. It was hard. It was a journey. Nevertheless, it was the path of the Holy Spirit and we had followed it. Not perfectly. Not with precision. But with faith in our Lord. All my fears melted away.
Our embryos were matched and shipped to that beautiful couple. We prayed for them faithfully. And with some timidity, I wrote them a letter and offered to them that we would be happy to become friends on Instagram. Ultimately, I left it in their hands. They accepted, which has been pure joy to me. We have been able to see their sweet lives and feel part of this incredible miracle.
After the letter was sent, I started feeling out of sorts. I ignored it, thinking it was my endocrine disorder flaring. After about two months, I wanted to go enjoy an adult beverage with a friend, so I took a pregnancy test on a whim. Now mind you, I have never had a positive at-home pregnancy test in my entire life. I tucked the kids in to bed, and came back to check the test.
It was positive.
I fell to the floor, hyperventilating. God remembered the barren. He remembered the heartbroken. He provided me a beautiful gift. A natural pregnancy after six years of infertility, four IUIs, two cycles of IVF, three embryo transfers, and countless medications…
Our beautiful adoptive family transferred their embryos the winter 2022. Our newest baby boy arrived early in April 2023, and the sweet Snowflakes were born summer of 2023.
When their mom sent me their newborn pictures, I cried happy tears. Two beautiful twins, born to the most beautiful parents. They are pure gifts and miracles. The adoptive mom wrote me the sweetest, most gorgeous note. Her prayers were answered. She is now, finally, a mom.
All those faithful steps we made years ago…
All those sleepless nights…
All the moments of expectation, fear, and hope…
All worth it.
Five blessed miracles…
And seven more waiting in the wings.
Twelve years ago, just days before our 1 year wedding anniversary, my husband and I decided to officially start trying for a baby. Little did we know that the baby we thought we would have within a year's time, didn't actually come until 6 years later.
After a year of unsuccessfully getting pregnant, we decided to start talking to our doctors. Many discussions were had and tests taken to discover that my husband and I fell within the 10% of infertile couples whose cause for infertility was unknown. This result led us to talk about how else we could grow our family - fertility clinic versus adoption. By year 3, I tried my first IUI. It failed. IUI #2 a month later, also failed. I took a small break (both for my body's sake and my mental health) and a few months later tried IUI #3. Again, it failed. Between the injections, the blood drawn, and the prodding at the doctor's visits, I was mentally and physically tired.
By the time year 4 came around, my husband and I met with multiple adoption agencies, both private and state, and even started the required classes for the state foster-to-adopt program. Between the foster-to-adopt classes, a full-time job, plus working on a 2nd degree, my husband was overwhelmed and needed to take something off his plate. We decided to put the adoption classes on hold until he finished his degree later that year. When the time came to start the classes again, we changed our minds and went back to the fertility clinic for IVF treatments. My desire to carry my own baby was so strong that I couldn't pass up the chance to try again. Thankfully, it only took two IVF rounds to get a positive pregnancy test! Our first son was born in April 2017, and through the third round of IVF, our second son was born in August 2019.
At this point, because the initial egg retrieval was very successful, we still had 5 remaining embryos after having two boys. As much as we originally wanted 4 kids, considering our ages and our previous treatment experiences, we made the first of the two hardest decisions we ever had to make in our lives:
November 2021 - My body couldn't carry another baby for 9 months.
A few months later, the second hardest decision:
March 2022 - choosing embryo donation for our 5 remaining embryos.
This was the beginning of our relationship with Nightlight / Snowflakes. After all the years of longing to be a mother of 4 and then more years just trying to get pregnant, my heart ached knowing that someone else would give birth to my babies. In the long run, we knew it was the right call to make and now, we are excited for the couple in CA that are expecting twins from our embryos.
And we wouldn't have it any other way.
So, it all started when my parents had extra embryos. They wanted to give them life. They found a family. The family was called Ali and Derick.
At first I was shy of them when I met them on the phone, but I was excited that I would have a new sibling. When I went on the airplane to see them I was sssssssooooooo excited to meet them in person! It turned out they have a farm. I love animals so that made me even more happy! We watched lots of movies. I got to meet their family. Ali’s sister has almost the same name as my mom. We played with their dogs and had BUNK BEDS for me and my siblings. The week came to an end.
We face-timed all the time, but then it was May and they went to the hospital. A baby girl was born and her name is Franny!!! Then a few months later we went to visit again so they could meet our family. We had so much time together and now they are coming to visit us again. We face-time all the time and are really close. We hope we can be friends forever. The end.
Love, Kailey
Family. It's such a basic word that is used frequently by most of us, but I think if we each shared what that word 'family' means to us, we would find that we have very different definitions.
I was adopted as an infant and grew up with parents who I am very close to. I was fortunate to have a wonderful life and feel very blessed, knowing had my teenage biological parents made a different choice, I quite simply would not be here.
I married my college sweetheart and like many do, we talked about starting to have children. Our first son, Grant, was born on June 9, 2006, just two years after we were married. It became time to think about having additional children and after a few years of trying, we recognized there was likely an issue. A series of doctors and a surgery for my husband provided no improvement in being able to conceive. We became patients at our local fertility clinic and were told that our best option was to try IVF and if that did not work, we may need to consider a sperm donor. It was a very emotional time but I believe things happen for a reason. My husband's company had great fertility insurance (which was rare at that time) and I felt this was our sign to proceed. We went through a round of IVF and were so excited when we found out that both embryos were growing and we were pregnant with twins!
I carried Nolan and Karlin to 35 weeks, 5 days (nearly full term for twins) and had them naturally on June 22, 2010. They spent no time in the NICU and had nearly perfect Apgar scores. The hospital staff told us they were thrilled with how healthy we all were and how everything had gone with their birth. We now had three healthy kids and loved our little family.
With having Nolan and Karlin through IVF, came the decision about what to do with our remaining 9 embryos. We knew that we wanted to give them all the chance at life. After all, I felt so strongly about this given my own story. We tried two separate frozen embryo transfers after I had the twins and neither time resulted in a pregnancy. The medications, shots and phone calls with our negative results became harder each time. After the second time, my husband decided that we had tried enough and he couldn't watch me go through a fourth IVF/FET cycle. We still had three remaining embryos.
I thought about the embryos often, frozen in the tank in Des Moines, Iowa, not far from our home. We had always said we would keep them frozen until I was 40 and then could make a decision about donation. It continued to weigh on my heart and I decided that we needed to make a decision earlier. My mom actually had read an article about Nightlight and shared it with me. Again, a sign, I felt.
We went through the process of being matched and actually ended up saying "yes" to the first family we were matched with. We read and re-read their profile and everything fit. On June 2, 2015, our biological son, Corey, was born to an amazing family nearly two thousand miles away from our home in Iowa. Seeing his photo for the first time was so hard. He looked exactly like my three when they were born. But, I was also grateful that he was here and healthy!
Fast forward 7 years. We text often, share pictures of our kids, are Facebook friends, send video messages, the kids are pen pals and we have been to visit each other's families. We have also met in Las Vegas for time together. We both send Christmas gifts for the kids and I send Corey gifts on his birthday. I love their family dearly because they are included when I define what 'family' means to me!
My husband and I went through difficult fertility with our first son. So for our second son we went straight to IVF. We had agreed to place any remaining embryos for adoption. I remember thinking at the time the likelihood that we would have remaining embryos, that those embryos would get adopted and then turn into viable pregnancies was so improbable.
We received a couple of perspective couple’s adoption profiles. I felt horrible rejecting them. I couldn’t see a child of mine fitting into those families.
Both my sister and my husband were adopted. Both adopted families loved them like any other parent. The only issue was both my sister and my husband had different interests and approached life differently than their adopted families. Having the luxury to find the right fit in a family was important to me after spending my life watching my sister and husband.
One day my older son was practicing riding his bike while his little brother napped. I grabbed the mail and saw the big envelope (another prospective adoptive family) from Snowflakes. Sigh. I was worried we would never find the right fit. I sat down on the curb and opened the envelope.
I got three pages in and started to cry. If we really were going to place our embryos for adoption this was the right family. I could 100% see a child of mine growing up with their love.
Due to the difficulties of my sister and husband with being adopted we firmly believed that we would leave the decision about how involved we would be with the potential children to the adoptive parents. We only asked for a yearly update.
We got so much more. The adoptive family was blessed with two beautiful and thriving children. They are full siblings! I treasure my siblings so I am so glad they have each other. The adoptive family went above and beyond and sent us videos, pictures and letters. It has been beautiful to watch these children grow surrounded by unconditional love.
It confuses many people when I explain about these children. Many people can not believe we let someone adopt our embryos. It was a huge leap of faith that everything would work out for the best.
Placing our embryos for adoption is one of the best decisions we made in our lives. I encourage anyone struggling with fertility to consider adopting an embryo.
In early 2014, after years of trying for a baby, both of us received diagnoses that would make it hard for us to conceive on our own. We were told our best option would be IVF, and later that year we went forward with the process.
We were elated when we learned that we had 8 embryos. These embryos immediately brought us so much hope and we were filled with love for them.
We transferred two embryos and were completely overjoyed when we found out we were pregnant with twins. The pregnancy was high risk and full of complications, but in 2015 we welcomed our healthy son and daughter. As our twins grew, we felt more and more that our family was complete. We put off deciding what to do with our embryos because it was so hard to come to terms with parting with them in any way. After lots of time and discussions, we were both in agreement that we did not want to have them discarded. These little embryos had brought us so much hope, and we ultimately realized we wanted them to bless the lives of another family and have the opportunity at life.
In 2020 we found Snowflakes Embryo Adoption and quickly felt that this was the route we wanted to go. After going through a few profiles of adopting families, we finally found a couple that we both felt was meant to be the family for our embryos. All 6 of our remaining embryos were placed with this couple, and they have since welcomed a beautiful baby boy into their family.
Each step of the process, from deciding to donate our embryos to ultimately learning of the birth of baby boy, has been full of lots of emotions. But the overwhelming feeling we have is one of gratitude and joy. We are so incredibly thankful to our adopting couple for choosing embryo adoption and giving a chance at life to those 6 embryos that brought us so much hope. We love receiving pictures of the sweet baby boy that has joined their family and feel so much love for him. We are excited for them to hopefully welcome more children in the future.
Making the decision to donate our embryos was not an easy one. The process was sometimes hard and emotionally challenging. But we have never regretted our decision and are forever grateful for this experience.
I think the biggest takeaway is how embryo donation/adoption gave us the gift of our families being connected in such a beautiful way.
Emma and I have become close friends and our friendship has reveals how motherhood can look different in so many ways. It's wonderful to know that the kids have each other through the bond of being biological siblings even though they have never met and may not until they're older.
We were invited to participate in a podcast called The Revelation Project – Inconceivable, The Miracle of Embryo Adoption on Spotify.
The podcast is about 2 hours long and allows us to discuss all of the ways embryo adoption through the Snowflakes program has brought us friendship, family and a future of togetherness.
My experience with embryo adoption through Snowflakes has been a huge blessing. In so many ways we all have benefited from this. My wife and I as well our kids are grateful for the fact that we are able to have a close relationship with our adopting family. The adoptive parents have remained committed to our family with love and trust. Growing and deepening our friendships over the years is a blessing to all of us - adults and kids. Despite the occasional pain in the realization of our loss in placing these children, I’m constantly reminded of the excellence of our decision whenever I visit with them or see pictures of them experiencing the joys of life with each other and their parents. It was a painful choice to make at the time. However, it continues to be one of the best choices I’ve ever made in my life.
As a couple who got married a little later in life, Rob and I knew that we wanted to start trying for a family right away. I spoke with my doctor and she said that she usually gave couples a year to get pregnant on their own, but since I was 35 and Rob was 38, she wanted us to come back in six months if we weren’t pregnant before then.
Maybe I wasn’t meant to get pregnant. Was a family not part of God’s plan for me? I couldn’t imagine Rob and I living the rest of our lives together without children. At that point I had been teaching elementary school for sixteen years and loved my students, but my heart was desperate for a child of my own.
After a failed round of IUI, our doctor asked what direction we wanted to go. IVF wasn’t really in our budget, especially after the cost of the previous fertility treatments. However, God had a plan. My doctor said that there was a medication study for women 35 years and older who had a proven track record of not getting pregnant by other means. The cost was a fraction of what we would have normally paid for IVF. It seemed to be God’s way of directing us, so we signed up immediately. This allowed us to create 8 embryos.
Very soon after the first transfer of two embryos, I began to feel different. We were excited, but we didn’t want to get our hopes up. When we got the call that we were pregnant, we were ecstatic! In early November, the doctor confirmed that both embryos were growing and we had twins. Soon after Christmas, we were overjoyed to learn that we had one girl and one boy. God is so good!
Our clinic contacted us about our 5 remaining embryos, asking us to decide what we wanted to do with them. Rob and I determined that our twins were enough. No more transfers.
Since we weren’t going to use the embryos, there didn’t seem to be a good reason for paying the fee to keep them frozen. I had a couple of friends who had discarded their embryos, and although I didn’t judge them for their choices, it didn’t seem the right decision for us. Holding my precious twins, knowing that I had been so blessed, how could I destroy the beginnings of more beautiful babies? I simply couldn’t. We had to place the embryos up for adoption.
We finished all of the requirements for placing our embryos for adoption. My heart was broken. I was giving away pieces of Rob and me, pieces that I wanted! When we were quickly matched with an adopting couple, I was surprised to find that my sadness was replaced by a deep sense of peace. I knew to the core of my soul that they were meant to be the parents of these babies. Through our correspondence, I could feel the love that they had to give not only their future babies but my family as well. They were not taking my family away from me. They were the parents God had picked for these embryos, and Rob and I were blessed to be a part of their miracle.
Six months after the adopting family accepted the embryos, we experienced a miracle of our own. I seemed to have caught a terrible stomach bug. I was exhausted, nauseated, and miserable. Luckily, no one else in our family seemed afflicted. After days of unpleasant symptoms, I discovered that I did not have a virus in my belly. I had a baby.
We gave birth to a healthy, beautiful baby girl. Rob quickly changed his tune from “I don’t want another baby” to “How did we ever think our family was complete without her?”
Meanwhile, our adopting family struggled through miscarriages. My friends, family and I prayed, begging God to bless them with a baby to love. I worried that the pain would be too much and they would give up on their dream of parenthood.
The month of my twins’ fifth birthday, we learned that they were transferring the two remaining embryos. This was it. If Rob and I were to be a part of their miracle, there were no more chances.
We all rejoiced in the birth of their son. I received a lovely gift necklace with two tiny pendants, one engraved with his birthday and the other with a snowflake. Although I never held him in my womb or in my arms, we will forever hold him in our hearts. We are forever grateful that God gave him our adopting family for all of us to love.
I had always wanted children. I made an appointment with a fertility specialist. During our consultation, we discussed the process of what it would take for me to try to get pregnant.
By the time I decided to move forward with IVF tests showed that my fertility had diminished. Receiving that information was a jagged pill to swallow. However, I wanted children so much, that I decided to move forward with using donor egg and sperm so I could pursue my pilgrimage to conceive. I loved my to-be children eternally before they were even blastocysts in a petri dish. Through the conception process, I ended up with 8 embryos. I had a transfer with 2 of the embryos and became pregnant with my twins – a boy and a girl!
Since I believe that life begins at the moment of conception, my six remaining embryos were frozen until I could make a decision about them. I contacted the Nightlight Snowflakes Embryo Adoption agency and went through counseling to ensure that I understood the ramifications of placing the embryos with a family. I decided to move forward. Like anyone placing their embryos for adoption I wanted a loving family that could provide a good home and a beautiful life. I really appreciated that Snowflakes encouraged communication between matched families.
The adopting family now has twin girls and a boy from two successful transfers. We are now in the planning stages for the children to meet each one another. We are excited beyond words!
People sometimes ask me if I have any feeling of loss or regret that I could not have genetic children of my own, and do I maybe love them any less because they are not my genetic children? My response, without hesitation, is always no – because I am their mommy! I’m also so happy that our adopting family has children now, children who otherwise may not have been born.
Our story is hard to put into words. You see I already had a daughter and a son, from a previous marriage, and really didn't plan to have more children. I even had a tubal ligation done. As a matter of fact until a dating site exposed my husband's picture on my computer screen, I had actually swore off pursuing a relationship.
However as God's perfect plan played out, I did marry that handsome man. We talked about kids and we'll never really planned for the bumps in the road. We tried a reversal of the tubal procedure, which sadly lead us to one miscarriage, followed by an ectopic pregnancy, which landed us in the hospital. We figured that was the end until we were referred to a specialist in Colorado.
We moved forward with IVF and had 2 beautiful little girls. We had 5 more frozen embryos that we were very excited about, but were later told that another pregnancy would potentially be a health risk.
We were devastated. For the next several months we contemplated and prayed about our next move. We could thaw them or donate them to science. We could hire a gestational carrier. The first 2 options we were completely against. Finding a gestational carrier would be expensive. We began doing research and that's when we found Nightlight. It's been such a blessing. I can't say it's been easy. Finding a family that you feel lines up with your morals and beliefs is difficult.
We eventually found our adopting family. We prayed and we both agreed on the match after reading their family story and seeing how dedicated they were to wanting be parents. They were perfect for us. They gave birth to 2 beautiful little girls. We have since shared memories, pictures, and have even met up with them and enjoyed spending time together.
Fast forwarding 7 years and we have recently selected a second beautiful, loving family for the remaining 3 babies. Were excited to see were this adventure leads us.
If you were to ask my son (who is now 7) how he was made, he would say “The doctors took an egg out of mama, used the help of a donor, then I was put into mommy’s belly, then I came out.” He’s right!
If only it was that simple!
When we decided to start a family, I knew it wouldn’t be the easiest quest, but I had no idea of how hard and complicated it would be either.
We had to answer questions like: Do you have a sperm donor? How would you like to pay for the fertility treatments? And then the one question that completely paralyzed me…what would you like to do with any of the unused embryos?
My initial answer was more of a question: “Wait, what do you mean?”
The doctor explained that with invitro fertilization (IVF), the goal is to create as many embryos as possible for a chance of pregnancy. When the couple has completed their family and does not want to use the other embryos, they can choose one of the 3 options.
We went through a long and emotional journey before we got pregnant with our incredible son. Unfortunately, IVF did not work the first time or the second time. But on our 3rd IVF round, and with a 25% chance of success, we became pregnant.
Throughout our journey of trying to get pregnant and into early parenthood, there was still that burning question that kept me up at night… “What would you like to do with your unused embryos?” It was an extremely difficult decision for us but we knew we had to give our embryos a chance at life.
It wasn’t until our son turned 5, that we knew for sure that he was going to be our only child. At that time there were four perfectly healthy embryos. If adopted, and with a successful pregnancy, they could become my son’s full siblings, while carrying 50% of my DNA.
As we got closer to the adoption process, more and more questions came to mind. What if our embryos don’t get adopted? What if they do? What would it be like knowing there was a baby out in the world that shared mine and my son’s DNA? What if the baby was a boy and resembled my son who I love and cherish? Or what if it was a girl? Would she look like me? Some of these questions were just out of curiosity and some were so deep I couldn’t wrap my head around them. But I did know one thing for sure…my job was to get these embryos adopted and the rest would be in God’s hands.
We began working with the Snowflakes program who was extremely helpful and answered all of our questions throughout every step of the process. The staff was informative, supportive and responsive to us at all times. Embryo adoption is new territory for our society. It can be scary and unsettling. However, on October 15th when we received the email that read, “I get the honor and privilege of letting you know that Bailey is here - and she is beautiful!” I knew that it was the best gift we had ever given.
Bailey is now three years old and we have had the opportunity to visit with her and her family twice in person. We exchange emails and texts on a monthly basis and we couldn’t feel more blessed. Not only did our family of three gain an extended family, but the world gained a beautiful soul in Bailey from one very loved embryo.
We have battled infertility, we were blessed with a family, and had to face the difficult decision on what to do with our remaining embryos… It is extremely hard. Seeing our children grow, we know donation was the right path for us. The knowledge that they were once embryos, we knew in our hearts that we needed to be guardians to lead our remaining embryos to a chance at life with the right adoptive family
Embryo donation is not an easy decision. It is a rollercoaster of emotion, even when you know it is right. There is a lot of fear and questions.
“How do we make sure they end up with the right family?”
“How do we make sure my decision doesn't lead to emotional trauma for our children and genetic children?”
“Will our embryos feel like we've abandoned them?”
Our embryos were created with hope, just like yours were. They are tremendously loved for what they could become. They are part of our infertility journey and the desire to have children bless our family. It is hard to know your family is complete, and there are pieces of hope remaining.
We chose the Snowflakes program because the adoptive families are vetted through a home study process, and we had the choice in the family who would receive our embryos. Snowflakes does not split up embryo donations between multiple recipients, and an open relationship is encouraged between donors and adoptive families.
Ultimately, we knew the decisions we made effect all parties involved, ourselves and our children, and the adoptive family and their future children. Our fear was given faith and reassurance through Snowflakes.
As you are deciding the path for you and your embryos, our advice... Take your time. Be sure you've completed your family. Look at views of donor conceived adults through books and online groups—this helped us understand how to ensure our embryos emotional wellbeing was considered. Know that the right family is out there, just waiting to be blessed with your thoughtful gift. Most importantly, take care of yourselves, and lean on those who have walked a similar path.
Sincerely,
A Fellow Donor
My husband and I decided to embark on our IVF journey in 2016. Our hope, our dream, was to have a large family. Naturally, this was our entire focus; although we previously had two kids, we wanted at least one more blessing from God.
After our first transfer that was unsuccessful, we decided to wait a couple months and try for the last time putting it all in God’s hands. With much frustration, tears, and prayers we decided to pursue a second transfer. And it worked! We were told it was TWINS!
My pregnancy was very difficult—nothing about getting pregnant and being pregnant was easy. After the boys were born at a 37 weeks, I diagnosed with placenta accreta and had to have an emergency hysterectomy. Our family was complete. We were blessed!
But now what? We had frozen embryos remaining...waiting for their chance at life. We knew we did not want to discard them, so I contacted the specialist I saw for our IVF treatment. He recommended the Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program through Nightlight Christian Adoptions.
I knew after talking to them the first time this was where we needed to donate our embryos.
The process was so simple, informative, and very heart felt. Amazing was an understatement. We immediately started the paperwork and in a couple months we were placed into matching.
Our first match was the perfect match. The connection with them was instantaneous! We knew right away they were the family God choose for our embryos. They were going to be wonderful parents. This couple have hearts for God, and an incredible amount of faith.
We stay in contact with our adoptive family, share memories, and pray for each other. This sweet family is now pregnant with their first baby and we could not be more excited for them! We are forever grateful to Nightlight for helping us throughout this journey, and for connecting us with our beautiful adoptive family.
Our firstborn was conceived naturally. But when it came time to try for our second child, initial challenges turned to outright frustration. It became apparent that something was wrong.
After medical tests did not reveal any causes for concern, we tried natural planning methods and fertility treatments, all to no avail. By the time we first considered in vitro fertilization, we were already extremely burnt out, but little did we know that the stress was just beginning.
Despite the ongoing physical strain on my wife and the emotional toll on all of us, she managed to take on her new role as the human pin cushion and (with great restraint) we both managed not to kill our socially-inept fertility doctor.
Thankfully, we did have our pot of gold waiting at the end of the rainbow, our beautiful daughter. We were now a happy family of four and that is what we shall remain.
However, we did have several remaining embryos. Discarding them did not feel right. We wanted to give them a chance to be born and live happy and productive lives. With the help of the Snowflakes program, we identified two families to adopt these embryos, and both have been successful in achieving pregnancies!
There was a fair amount of work in going through the legal channels and FDA requirements of donating, but it was well worth it. There is a tremendous sense of fulfillment in knowing that we have helped bring more lives to fruition and joy to two deserving families.
When we discovered that I was an ideal candidate for IVF several years ago, I was elated! My husband, however, was apprehensive. I am the “seize the moment” type of person, where my husband is the more logical, big picture personality. I saw the opportunity to have a family… He saw the possible moral dilemma we would be facing in the future.
We were blessed to have three positive pregnancies from two IVF transfers! The first resulted in a healthy baby boy, the second unfortunately ended in miscarriage, but the third was with triplets! Our family was now complete.
But we still had four embryos.
After years and years of struggling with what to do, we eventually decided that we would try to transfer them ourselves. However, the Lord had other plans. I was diagnosed with Chronic Lyme Disease and my doctor strongly advised against us trying to get pregnant again with the remaining embryos. We prayed and searched for options when the Lord opened doors that ultimately led us to the Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program. We had no idea that such a program existed! Once we heard about Nightlight and their embryo adoption program, we knew that this was the right path for us and our embryos.
Although it was not easy, the Lord knew my heart and knew when I would be ready for this glorious match. It took years for us to finalize the process—not because it was difficult, but because I was struggling with whether I could go through with the adoption. I still was not ready to surrender completely. But when I did, my heart was changed forever!
In the beginning, my heart would sink into my stomach with every email from the agency. Especially when they announced they had found a match for our family. I was not sure my heart could handle it. But when I read Jason and Laura’s profile and could see their love for the Lord, I thought back to the days when I too yearned for a child of my own and knew the pain they were going through. I knew that the Lord had given us this opportunity to help them.
My life verse is Esther 4:14: “For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”
I knew that all I had been through my entire life, the struggles with being infertile, the miscarriage, the high-risk pregnancies, weeks in the NICU, were all leading to this moment in my life—where the Lord would use us to help the most amazing, God-fearing couple to build their family. It was at that moment, that I had a peace that surpassed all understanding and knew this was God’s will.
We both agreed to have open communication via email. We have been in touch with Jason and Laura throughout this whole process. Unfortunately, their first transfer with the embryos did not result in a thriving pregnancy. However, we all know that God is good and that His will is perfect. We may not understand His plan right now, but we know that with His help and guidance, we are giving these precious embryos every chance at life.
We are eternally grateful for Jason and Laura and their obedience to the Lord and are praying for a successful IVF transfer in the next few months. We are so thankful for the Snowflakes Adoption Program and pray that the Lord uses our story to help another couple in our situation.
I remember how frightened, yet excited I was when we first embarked upon the journey of in vitro fertilization. God gave us a way for my husband and I to bear children that were biological ours. We ended up with seven embryos total and transferred two of our precious babies. When both actually took and implanted, my journey began as a mother of multiples.
When I was four months along, we found out our daughter had a sporadic condition called Trisomy 13. We cried and prayed for a miracle. Each life is precious and we refused to give up on our precious girl. On February 28th, 2012, I began to hemorrhage and had an emergency C-section to deliver our twins. I needed a blood transfusion and was desperate to see Eve healed. However, God saw fit to heal her when she entered into heaven the day after she was born. We had our son, Christian, but little did I know that gaining a child was not the only thing I brought home with me that day.
It turned out that because of the nature of the birth, I developed a rare disease called Secondary Addison’s Disease. My endocrinologist told me I could not go through with another IVF transfer or pregnancy, as it would be detrimental to my health.
All at once my dreams of having a large family diminished. I felt stripped as if my dream died along with Eve. We had five years to make a decision as to what to do with our remaining babies. I wrestled with God during that entire time, begging for a healing that would allow me to become a mother of more children on earth.
The Lord answered me clearly when I was researching on the computer and up popped the page for Nightlight’s Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program. I knew God was leading me to them. It touched my heart that this organization treated embryos like the children we knew they were.
I began to see how this was a real adoption, with paperwork and guidelines. In all honesty, I did not want to donate our children; I wanted to have them in our family. However, God asked me very clearly, “Do you trust me?” I knew my answer was yes. I began to fill out the paperwork and wept. I told my husband who stood in agreement with me, “I don’t want to do this, but I know our children have a destiny over their lives. A destiny which can only occur if they are born, not suspended in a frozen state.”
The first time I saw our adoptive family via their family profile, I did not want to like them. It was hard to give away something I so desperately wanted. But the true sacrifice of motherhood is giving away the very thing you begged God for. I remember thinking this is just like Abraham and Isaac, except in this case my metaphorical Isaac was not coming home with us.
As I read this couple’s profile, I fell in love with their hearts. I knew by what I read they were going to be amazing parents. We chose open adoption because I did not want to limit God. I knew it would be difficult to see the pictures, but I felt it was important to intercede for the adoptive parents and the babies. They were now our family too, and we loved them.
Currently, we email and we love sending gifts to their newborn daughter. They are just the sweetest, with hearts for God, and an incredible amount of faith. I will never forget when they sent me a bracelet they had made for me that said, “Forever grateful” and contained five little snowflakes. I wept for days afterward. Eventually, I see us meeting down the road, but in the meantime, it is a joy just to be a part of their lives in the ways that we can. This is a process that is achingly beautiful, but when we give God our ashes, we receive beauty in return.
My husband and I decided to embark on our IVF journey in 2014. Our hope, our dream, was to have a child. Naturally, this was what our entire focus was; with very little thought and prayer of what would come after our dream had come true. In which it did! In July of 2015, we gave birth to our miracle baby girl. On our very first transfer. She was perfection!
During the course of our fertility treatment, we had conceived eight beautiful embryos. However, Viv was our only transfer. My pregnancy was very difficult—nothing about getting pregnant and being pregnant was easy. After she was born, it was recommended that we do not pursue another transfer with our remaining embryos. And as hard as that was to process, we knew our daughter was a miracle; we knew we were blessed. Our family was complete.
But now what? We had seven frozen embryos. This is the part that we did not foresee. There were embryos, seven little beautiful pieces of us, frozen. Waiting for their chance at life. But we couldn’t give them that chance.
We started looking into our next steps. We knew we did not want to just discard the embryos nor donate them to science. We discussed the donation process with the hospital in which we did our infertility treatments, but it didn’t feel right. Then we found Nightlight Christian Adoptions and the Snowflakes program. But we knew very little about embryo adoption. I read, researched, and finally called the agency. They were absolutely amazing! I knew after talking to them the first time this was where we needed to donate our embryos.
The process was so simple: No pressure, informative, and honest. Caring and warm. When we first started the donation, we initially wanted a closed placement, but eventually came to the conclusion that open would be the best choice for our family.
We were finally placed into matching and received our first adoptive family profile. The connection with them was instant! We knew right away they were the couple God choose to be parents to our embryos.
Once the match was made, we drew up a contract with them with the help of Nightlight. It was so wonderful and we fell in love with them. We were updated the entire way of the remainder of their journey: Their transfer, their pregnancy, and the birth of their son! We exchanged pictures. One them, of him. Of us and Vivienne! We will cherish this relationship for the rest of our life.
We are forever grateful to Nightlight for helping us throughout this journey. For connecting us with our beautiful adoptive family. Our embryos were conceived out of love between my husband and me, but only one was meant for us. The others were conceived for the adoptive family. God knew from the start that they were meant to be brought into this world by their true mommy and raised by their true parents.
We will never regret our decision. It is a beautiful journey to be a part of; a beautiful thing to witness and watch.
Four years ago we participated in a featured story for Nightlight’s Pathway2Family magazine. So much has changed in the ensuing years!
Shortly after our chosen adopting family gave birth to Corey, his mother April and I became Facebook friends. At first, it was so strange to see pictures of him with his family. I was still working through the emotions of placing our embryos with another family. Knowing we had a biological child living across the United States who we were not raising was difficult.
April and I started messaging back and forth. We talked about so many things – like, “Is it okay if I comment or ‘like’ your posts/photos on Facebook or is that strange,” or “Do you feel comfortable sharing your address so we can exchange Christmas cards?” Our openness with each other throughout the past four years has allowed us to build a relationship I couldn’t have imagined before!
In the fall of 2015, we almost crossed paths with Corey and his family as we were in Las Vegas and were in the same hotel/restaurant as they were less than 24 hours apart. Sadly, before we realized it, they had already left town to go back home. I messaged her, “Crazy!! It would have been wonderful to meet you all! Someday…”
I wrote a similar message to April in 2016 after I shared a story about two other families who were connected through embryo adoption who met and considered themselves “family” afterwards. I shared, “I thought this story was amazing! Can’t wait to meet you all in person some day!” That December, we exchanged Christmas cards and of the millions of designs out there, we had selected the exact same card! April messaged, “It’s like we have a lot in common or something.”
We messaged often about being grateful for the open relationship we have. Open communication was one of the highest preferences for me when being matched through Snowflakes. Forty-two years ago, I was adopted as an infant and received little medical information about myself or my biological parents. I did not want our biological child to have to go through life not having that information or not having a connection to our family. I also wanted my children to have a relationship with their biological brother. With today’s advances in medicine, often a biological sibling is able to save the life of a sibling by giving them a much needed kidney or bone marrow, for example. I wanted the four of them to always know they were connected and would be able to rely on one another should one of them ever need something like that.
A year later, my kids began asking more questions about Corey and when we could meet him and his family. I respected April’s thoughts about wanting Corey to be older so that he could understand more about us and our connection. However, I just kept thinking it would be great if our kids grew up knowing each other and loving one another. But I knew there would be a perfect time for all of this to happen.
In the spring of 2018, April messaged that she and Ryan had been talking about the possibility of our families meeting and wondered what we thought. It didn’t take me long at all to respond—“We would love to meet!” By May, we had a plan for them to fly to Iowa and stay for a few days. We were so excited!
The next several months were filled with correspondence about travel plans and itineraries. We talked about what we would do together and even made plans to have professional family photos together.
On November 1, we drove to a local restaurant not far from our home. I could hardly believe we were actually going to meet our biological son and his family for dinner! It seemed so surreal! I was a bit worried about what our kids might say or do. (I had told April that although we had explained their connection and relationship, I couldn’t guarantee at some point one of my kids may not call Corey their “brother” without saying the word “biological” ahead of it.) The moment we saw them it was like we had always known them. Conversation came easy, the kids immediately bonded and loved one another. Their daughter and our daughter loved having another girl to talk to and play with. The boys were enthralled with each other and loved playing together.
We spent the next four days together enjoying meals, showing them our hometown, letting the kids play while we adults socialized, attended church, and just enjoying our time together. They even came to a couple of basketball games our youngest son had while they were in town. (I remember messaging April a few times when they would send photos of Corey playing ball or doing something else sports oriented, telling them he was much like our boys who loved to be rough and tough!) It was fun to be at the games together and show them a glimpse of our family and life. We were so sad when our time came to an end.
Our girls have been pen pals since the visit and we are excited to have a trip planned to visit them in their hometown in December this year! Embryo adoption has been such a gift for both of our families in ways I don’t believe either of us could have imagined. We are extremely blessed!
It has always been our opinion that life begins at conception. It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with an extreme case of endometriosis that we wondered if we could have the family we felt we were meant to have and not violate our morals.
When my husband and I ran into fertility struggles, like many others, we had to start to think ‘outside of the box’ regarding how to start a family. We have friends who decided against IVF over 20 years ago because they were against the idea of their embryos (children) being discarded or remaining frozen indefinitely. I had learned about embryo adoption after seeing something in the media, and so I began to research this unique form of adoption.
We intended to make sure that each life we created was respected and had a chance to become the precious individual they were created to be. One important part of our decision to create embryos was to figure out how to protect them in the event something happened to both my husband and myself. Who would care for our unborn children?
Nightlight Christian Adoptions helped us to make this type of plan, even before we had completed our family with the embryos we created. We were able to specify in our final life documents that we wanted our embryos to be placed with an adopting family through the Nightlight Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program.
With great joy, our twin boys were born in April 2008. My endometriosis precluded me from pursuing a second pregnancy, and we determined to work with Snowflakes to place our embryos for adoption. We believed they understood and agreed with our desire to give our embryos the respect and opportunity to be born.
The team began to help us choose a family to adopt our remaining embryos. The match was a clear hit-it-out-of-the-park home run for us! We immediately said, “Yes, we want our children to be born to this faith-filled couple.” Unfortunately, the family did not achieve a pregnancy and had no embryos remaining.
We have never felt we made the wrong decision. We are so grateful that this agency provided a way for us to honor our remaining embryos by allowing us to choose a recipient family. We hope another family with remaining embryos also chose this wonderful adoptive family and that they eventually had the family they desired.
Embryo adoption is a blessing to both those who have remaining embryos and to those desiring to experience pregnancy, childbirth, and family!
Countless fertility treatments failed IVF, failed frozen embryo transfer, a devastating stillbirth, an interrupted adoption, year after year, longing for children without success. In our wildest dreams, we never thought we would be faced with deciding what to do with remaining frozen embryos!
Then, seven years and four children later, we knew our family was complete. We had 14 embryos in frozen storage. We struggled with the decision of what to do with these little lives. Destroying them was not an option for us. It was very important for us to know that if they were given the chance to grow into babies that they were loved and safe. Our clinic suggested we look into Snowflakes®. We contacted Snowflakes and discovered we could decide who would receive our embryos! That’s when we knew this was the path that was best for us.
Throughout the matching process, we were not sure what we wanted in terms of communication with our adopting family. We at least wanted to know if children were born and to be able to receive pictures and updates at least once per year. We were open to eventually meeting our genetic children and the adopting family. Those were our original communication expectations. In reality, we have gotten so much more than we ever could have hoped or imagined.
Soon after the match, we were communicating with the family we had chosen through the agency. Eventually, that led to direct email contact and, when they learned they were pregnant, a mutual exchange of phone numbers. When their son was born in October 2016, we had pictures within minutes. Communication continued almost daily with wonderful images showing how much he was changing. My feelings about this baby boy were mixed: but I knew our adopting family wanted a child as much as we did when we were struggling to build our family. Then the idea of meeting face-to-face was raised. We were grateful, but also apprehensive. In December 2016, when their son was just a couple months old, we decided to take an 8-hour road trip with our 4 children to meet them. What an amazing, incredible experience! Holding the baby and meeting his parents confirmed for us we had made the right decision. The parents were so kind and understanding—they were easy to talk to and made sure we got to enjoy our time with the baby. We were able to see their home and the area where their son will grow up. Spending time with them was amazing and did so much to ease our apprehension. Now we feel like we have an extended family! Their son (and hopefully future children as well!) will grow up knowing about us and knowing that we love him and made our decision based on our love. We continue to communicate with our adopting couple of times a week, and they already have plans to come visit us this summer! We truly feel blessed with our experience and at peace with our decision.
When Philip popped the question at the 2002 Winter Olympics, there was no way that he and his lovely bride-to-be could have anticipated that the emblem of the Games – a simple Snowflake – would reappear in their lives in an unexpected way. And just like the 2002 Olympic emblem symbolized the athlete’s courage, Philip and Mary’s courage is displayed in their own Snowflakes story.
Love found Philip and Mary a little later in life when the couple was both in their early 30s. From when they first met in May of 2001, their relationship grew quickly. Nine months from when they first met, they were engaged and a year after Mary said “Yes”, the couple tied the knot.
But soon it became clear that they would have troubles conceiving. Not being ones to waste time, they quickly turned to IVF. You can imagine their surprise when their first and only treatment resulted in seven viable embryos. Mary insisted they transfer three to increase their chances of success. The couple was overjoyed when they received the word that they were pregnant. But another surprise was waiting for them when they went in for their second ultrasound: not just one, but two of the embryos had nestled into her womb. They were expecting twins! Mary spent the rest of her pregnancy surprised at each and every ultrasound that she had two healthy babies growing. With joy, they welcomed a healthy son and daughter into their eager arms.
It was a dream come true. Philip and Mary hadn’t expected it to work the first time, and they certainly hadn’t expected that their dream of becoming a family of four would happen in just one pregnancy. Now four embryos, their babies, waited in frozen storage for Philip and Mary to make a decision for their future. Mary had never wanted to have a newborn at 40 years old. Now at 36 years old, she felt she had less than four years to make her decision. “We asked the lab to take care of my babies,” Mary recalls. “We were wholly unprepared what to do with the embryos. I saw the original three floating and multiplying in a Petri dish before they were transferred to my womb. Of those original embryos, two are running havoc as we speak.”
Being Catholic, destroying the embryos or donating them to science simply was not an option. “There is no question in my heart that embryos, given a fair chance, are the earliest form of human life,” Mary stated. “There was no question that I took responsibility to bring all seven embryos into this world. It is my duty to take care of all of them. To give them the best possible chance for life.” Giving the embryos life in their family wasn’t a realistic option. But Mary wasn’t ready to let the embryos go. Finally, the time came to pay the annual fee for embryo storage: a decision had to be made.
After researching different options, it was clear to Philip and Mary that the Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program at Nightlight Christian Adoptions was the right fit for them. “It was the best decision I’ve made,” says Mary. They found a loving Christian couple to receive their embryos. It was a bittersweet time, but it was the best decision for the embryos and for Philip and Mary. The adoptive family had their frozen embryo transfer around the holidays. No news came to Philip and Mary. And Mary knew before she even heard from the genetic family that the transfer wasn’t successful. “I mourned the Snowflakes,” Mary shares. “I still think of them and wonder "what if’". I so badly wanted them to have a life. My soul is still sad, but it is clear. No regrets.” To those with remaining embryos, Mary has this to say: “Follow your heart and give your Snowflakes the best chance for life. You will not regret it.”
After the birth of their first daughter, Cecile and Michael wanted to grow their family, so they turned to IVF. They joyfully welcomed their son as a result. However, when they naturally conceived their third child, they knew they would need to do something with their remaining embryos.
“It wasn’t an instant choice,” Cecile said. “It took us three years to make that choice. We wondered, ‘Is it okay to give away your embryos because it isn’t convenient? What kind of family were we exposing them to?’”
“What does it mean to me to have a biological child somewhere else? How am I going to feel about that?” Michael recalls. “I came to the realization that life is more precious than my personal feelings.”
The couple agreed to donate their embryos through the Snowflake Embryo Adoption Program, where they were matched with an adopting family, Joanna, and David.
Joanna and David had one child and were eager to have more. After several miscarriages, they tried a number of fertility treatment options but eventually decided embryo adoption was the right fit for their family. They liked the idea of Joanna carrying the child, which gave them the opportunity to share the pregnancy with their son, and bond as a family before the baby even arrived.
“We knew there were families who had remaining embryos and that those families might be struggling to decide what to do with them. We felt like we could alleviate some of that burden and grow our family,” says David.
Like many families who participate in the Snowflakes program, they were initially a little hesitant about an open adoption; as time went on, though, they became much more comfortable getting to know the placing family.
“Snowflakes had been our mediator of handwritten letters and emails,” Joanna said. “We felt more comfortable with that. It gave us some limits, some guards in the beginning.”
“Anyone with a young child knows that you need to acclimate your family. Those changes can be difficult, and a little distance was good at the time,” David said. “As our daughter grows and becomes more aware, that’s when we’ll start to introduce the idea and the explanations [of where she came from] at whatever level she’s at. That’s when the contact becomes more open and direct...it’s ultimately about what our daughter is most comfortable with. It’s her story and we want to be sensitive to that.”
Cecile agrees. “I don’t want to confuse her. Life is confusing enough. I am following David and Joanna’s lead as far as they want to take it.”
Joanna and David are grateful to Cecile and Michael for their gift.
“They made an amazing, loving choice to donate those embryos. We had this miracle daughter who has blessed our lives more than we could ever imagine,” Joanna said. “We’re so thankful for that opportunity. It’s a life-giving option and we’re on the receiving end of it.”
“It’s an incredible testament to the power of life,” David says. “If you go through this process, you are saying that this matters, this life matters, it’s not just a couple of cells you keep in cold storage or discard. It becomes a person. Ultimately, this is Vivienne’s story and part of who she is. She’s going to direct that story. She’s got a lot of people who love her for various reasons.”
“She’s lucky,” Joanna adds.
We spent over 10 years trying to start our family before our son was born. As a result of IVF treatments, we now have three children at home, a boy (9), and twin girls (7). Because of the Snowflake Embryo Adoption program, we also have two healthy genetic children, a boy and a girl (twins), who are being raised by their wonderful adoptive parents.
The circumstances and decision for each family are different. Given the challenges we have faced and our current ages, our decision was ultimately the right one for us but yet it was incredibly difficult to make. We saw the embryos as children so we felt our options were 1) donating them anonymously through a clinic or agency with no say in the choice of parents or 2) choose a family to place them with through an embryo adoption program like Snowflakes. Doing nothing or donating the embryos for science was not an acceptable alternative for us.
It was a few years before we considered what to do with the remaining embryos. With eight embryos left, we faced the possibility of not just one more child but 2, 4 or more. We also considered that we would be in our late sixties when these children would be in their teens and early twenties. We wanted the children to have younger parents whose values were similar to ours, which is why we chose an open adoption process through the Snowflakes program.
The decision to place the embryos for adoption was still exceedingly difficult. Since we had been through the adoption process at an earlier time and knew what was involved a home study, friend’s letters of recommendation, background checks, and legal documents we knew the adoptive parents would be well screened by the program. We prepared our papers, assembled some pictures, and then sent them to the program.
We waited for a few weeks for information about the prospective adoptive parents. We didn't find someone ‘just like us’ only younger - but we did find a couple who had been married for seven years and were suffering from infertility. They were in their late twenties/early thirties, very loving and very caring. The staff answered our questions and concerns about the couple. Were they both really committed to this adoption? Were they going to be able to handle it financially? Will they accept multiples? Did they have other support from friends and family? With the answers provided, we were willing to proceed.
From the first reading of the letter from the prospective adopting couple to the signing of the adoption papers, we prayed. We prayed that the children would survive the thawing process, that the procedure would work the first time for the adoptive parents, and the children be strong and thrive. We prayed that the financial burden would not be too great for the adopting parents. All our prayers were answered. They gave birth to healthy twins, a girl, and a boy!
The parents sent us an email to let us know that everyone was healthy and happy and sent pictures as well. Since then, we have received periodic updates, which we hadn't expected at all.
When we signed the adoption papers, we never thought that we would see the faces of these children. Now we have and that in itself is a tremendous blessing. We are comforted, knowing that they are in a loving home. We trust their parents to raise them as best they can. We are trying to do the best we can with the three entrusted to our care in our home.
Kurt and I, after trying so long to get pregnant on our own, were so thankful that in-vitro worked the first time around, blessing us with Kevin, Kyle, and Samantha. What a joy they are in our lives!
We agreed we were done now having children, yet I didn't feel we were finished--what were we to do with our remaining embryos was nagging me. I couldn't leave them in limbo, and I wasn't at peace with them being destroyed by donating to research. Learning about embryo adoption was interesting, and a bit overwhelming at first. The idea of strangers giving birth to my embryos...wow! But at the same time, it made sense.
It was a great solution--It could save the lives of our embryos and give the life of a child to a couple much like us, one we would choose. The embryo adoption process at Snowflakes enabled us to match with the adopting couple to ensure a loving, secure home.
Today we can't imagine anything greater. The adopting couple is incredible parents and their little Samantha couldn't be more blessed. Embryo Adoption fulfilled our hopes and finished the process with everyone living happily ever after.
When Justin and Amanda decided to pursue in vitro fertilization after the birth of their first child, they always knew they would end up donating their remaining embryos. After their IVF treatment resulted in twins, the couple tried unsuccessfully to have more children. Eventually, the emotional and physical toll was too much to take, and they decided to stop treatment.
“We’d always said that we’d keep the embryos until I was 40,” Amanda said. “But I came to a point when I had a hard time knowing [the embryos] were sitting there and we weren’t doing anything with them.”
For Amanda, who was adopted herself, the open adoption option was appealing. She grew up not knowing her biological family and didn’t want the same thing to happen to her biological child.
“Not having that connection was always an empty spot for me. I wouldn’t have been okay with an anonymous placement,” she said. The couples chose to work with the Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program and started the process of selecting a family for their remaining embryos. They ended up choosing the family in the first profile they reviewed.
“We were worried about the process, because how do you pick a parent for your child?” Amanda recalls. “We felt connected to their profile…we had a lot of similarities in background and education. We wanted a family that was active and involved in their church and had a close family. I honestly didn’t know we’d find someone who had everything that we were looking for.”
But they did – Amanda and Justin agreed to a match with Ryan and April, who adopted their embryos.
When Ryan and April’s second daughter was just six days old, she was diagnosed with a genetic disorder that ended up taking her life just a few short months later.
“Because it was a genetic disorder, we had ourselves tested and discovered we were both carriers,” explained April. “Which meant all of our children had a 25% chance having this terrible disease. We decided not to have any more biological children, but we didn’t feel that our family was complete.”
April and Ryan looked into different options and when they heard about embryo adoption they knew it was the right choice for them. April liked the fact she could carry the child herself – something she knew her body was capable of doing. They also liked the idea of having some control over the timing of adding more children to their family.
Their son, Corinth, was born from the embryos placed into their family by Amanda and Justin. “We were apprehensive about the aspect of openness when we first started considering embryo adoption. Now, I am so grateful that Corinth will grow up knowing his genetic roots,” says April
Amanda is candid when she speaks about her experience and admits that giving up her remaining embryos is not always an easy decision to live with.
“The thought of having a child out there that I’m not raising is really hard,” Amanda says. “But this kid has two families that wanted him and love him and continue to pray for him. It was not easy for me, but what an amazing gift we’ve given this family. There are days that I have to go back to that feeling and am grateful that we were able to provide this amazing blessing!”
Ryan and April acknowledge their own loss of not having any more of their own biological children but would recommend embryo adoption to anyone looking for alternative methods to grow their family.
“Thirty years ago, we wouldn’t have had genetic testing. Now, because we know what our genetic makeup is, we couldn’t bring ourselves to take the risk [of having more biological children]. That would have been a risk we were taking with someone else’s life,” Ryan says. “Being where we are medically, and being denied our freedom to have more children in ignorance, that same medical technology brought us the opportunity to have Corinth.”.
“These remaining embryos are lives that need a chance to be loved,” April said. “I would never minimize a couple’s desire to have their ‘own’ children, but if your situation prevents you from that, embryo adoption is a miraculous process that allows you to give birth to your adopted child.”
On December 26, after 3 years of fertility treatments including IVF, we found out that we were finally pregnant! Words can hardly begin to describe the joy we felt. That joy became even more intensified a few weeks later when we find out we were having twins. What a blessing!
On June 22, our twins were born 10 weeks early. At that time the doctors delivering the twins recommended that I not get pregnant again. It was too risky. Because we had two healthy children this news was not too disappointing to us. However, we had 13 precious frozen babies. Their lives were valuable to us. Therefore, we knew that taking their lives by thawing and disposing of them or using them for scientific research was not an option for us.
We had heard of embryo donation and started researching it. Later, we heard about embryo adoption, a program where we could choose the parents that would raise our remaining embryo children. Although it was hard to let go of our embryos, we knew we wanted them to have a chance to live. The opportunity to help another couple suffering from infertility gave us great satisfaction. Had we not been able to have our genetic children, we would have wanted the opportunity to adopt embryos and experience the joy of pregnancy.
We attended a meeting where we were able to meet a number of families who adopted embryos, we were amazed to see the great joy and fulfillment these children brought to their lives. At that point, we knew with even greater confidence that we had made the right decision. We are eternally grateful to the couple who adopted our embryos and gave them a chance at life.
Chris and Rebecca were high school sweethearts. They got engaged during their freshman year of college and were married soon afterward. They knew that someday they wanted to start a family. However, Rebecca had an inkling she might have fertility issues since she was first diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Then shortly after she was diagnosed with endometriosis and fallopian tube damage.
Eleven years of infertility struggles and heartache, the couple decided it was time to pursue IVF. This was the only option that would allow the couple to have a safe implantation and pregnancy. Being avid Christians, they felt God was leading them in this direction.
Through one IVF cycle, the couple had 13 embryos. Two were implanted and Rebecca became pregnant with twin girls. The pregnancy was extremely challenging for Rebecca, and after the twins were born it was made clear they would not be able to use their remaining embryos. They placed them into storage and paid a few hundred dollars a year to keep them frozen. Then a surprise! Five days before Rebecca a needed hysterectomy, the couple learned they were expecting a third daughter.
Chris and Rebecca’s fertility clinic needed the couple to make a final decision on what to do with their embryos. The options the clinic presented were an anonymous donation, thaw and discard, or donate to research. They liked the idea of giving the embryos to another couple who’ve experienced fertility issues like themselves. But they wanted to have a say in which couple received their embryos; they didn’t want to donate them to just anyone through the clinic. After extensive research, the couple found the Snowflakes Embryo Adoption program.
Snowflakes, through Nightlight Christian Adoptions, allows placing families with remaining embryos to match with adopting families based on mutual preferences. It also allows the couple to choose which family would receive their embryos. Both Chris and Rebecca knew they were to bless another couple with their embryos through Snowflakes. Though it was a difficult decision, this was the only option that gave them peace.
Chris and Rebecca chose Dan and Kelli to adopt their embryos. The two families both opted for an open adoption and had an immediate connection. Dan and Kelli transferred the adopted embryos and were blessed with a son and later a daughter. Chris and Rebecca’s children have met their siblings and know they’re their biological siblings. They have a "sibling" book with many pictures, and the children spend time together on Facebook and Skype.
After their family was complete, Dan and Kelli returned the remaining embryos to Chris and Rebecca, who were able to choose another family for them through Snowflakes. They now have a special connection with two families, and they are extremely grateful for that. “Chris and I think it is phenomenal that God has used our infertility struggles to bless two other couples, and created lasting friendships among us as well,” says Rebecca.
My spirit was broken when my marriage ended after almost 12 years. Literally, overnight I became the single mother of my 3-year-old daughter, uncertain and scared about the future. It took nearly six months to finalize our divorce and now I faced the reality of what to do with our four remaining frozen embryos. I was awarded custody of the embryos, and would soon realize the only option available to me was to place them with a family through adoption.
I did an online search and learned about Snowflakes Embryo Adoption. I met with a counselor through my church and prayed. Over the course of those months, and the year in-between my divorce and the finalization of the placement, I came to realize I needed to do what was best for the remaining embryos, and me. Those 4 frozen embryos were not a mistake; they were created so God could give them life. Once I really grasped this, it became clear I could do this – place my embryos into an adopting family.
I reviewed three family profiles presented to me separately by the program. The third family profile I reviewed was the right family from my perspective! They had two biological daughters and had opened their home to helping children in the U.S. foster program. They were raised in the same faith background I was. They learned about Snowflakes through their church. The Nightlight team really helped me walk through what would be best for the children born from the embryos and what type of communication plan I would be comfortable maintaining with the adoptive parents.
I struggle with control. The control freak in me continued to try and figure out God’s plan for these embryos. For their first frozen embryo transfer, the adopting family transferred two of the four embryos. My feelings ran the gamut. What if they had a girl? I prayed they would have a boy because I wasn’t familiar with raising boys. A boy would be different. Easier, for me.
The adopting family’s son was born when my daughter was 6. She was too young to understand all of the particulars, but I definitely began the process of telling her the story. I did not want either of us feeling shame for this choice. I introduced her to the family and her biological brother through photos as close family friends that are like family. She saw photos and received updates about his milestones and was happy with that.
I struggled. Their son was nearly identical to my daughter’s baby pictures! I found comfort in my faith and had confidence I had made the right choice.
Two years later, their second son was born. The doctors gave him only a 20% chance of being born! But he was absolutely perfect and healthy in every way. My daughter was now 8. One night as we snuggled up in bed she talked about ‘the boys’ as they would affectionately be known forevermore and God facilitated a loving honest dialogue between us about her brothers. Tears come to the surface as I think of that sweet painful conversation.
At Christmas, we flew to meet the family in person. It was scary and magical, awkward, and perfect all at the same time. The boys were 3 and 1. We savored our time with them and marveled at their beautiful resemblance to my daughter. My mind turned to what I had learned from my faith: God works all things together for good.
This past May, during a visit to see the boys, I realized and accepted my role to help my daughter embrace this part of her family story. To help her do what is best for her in connecting with her brothers. I am my daughter’s mother before anything else and my job is to be true to that and support her as she builds a relationship across miles and age difference.
I wanted to share my story because you don’t often hear about people who placed their embryos as a result of a divorce. When I made this decision I did not feel like my womb was closed. I wanted more children. The choice to destroy the embryos was never a consideration for me. Even with fear and uncertainty about the future, I knew this was the right choice for all of us. My daughter has biological brothers who were adopted and we are loud and proud about it. While I have moments of sadness, those are overshadowed when I see the beautiful eyes, smiling faces, and hear those beautiful voices say, “Miss Jennifer!” It’s one of the sweetest sounds in the world.
We placed our embryos for adoption through Snowflakes and this is our story…
After an IVF cycle producing 19 embryos, two embryo transfers and the birth of 3 children, we knew we were done building our family and needed to decide what to do with our remaining 14 embryos. For us, to destroy them was not an option so, do we donate them for stem cell research? We had seen what came from these little frozen embryos so once again that was not an option; we wanted to give them life! So we talked with a few friends and some nurses and were told about Snowflakes. We had a lot of questions and were given the answers in a very caring manner. We knew we were making the right decision.
We choose a family that was so much like us it was amazing. They were the first profile we saw but how did we wait to see another profile when this couple was so much like us? We called them Christmas Eve 2011 and told them that we picked them, and our family grew that night!
They called after the first transfer and told us they thawed three and implanted two (one did not make it through the thawing process) and I cried. I cried for the one that did not make it and I cried tears of happiness for the two that did. Then when they went to their first sonogram and to hear heartbeats they called to say they were pregnant with one. Once again tears of sorrow and happiness. Months later and many phone calls and emails later, we got the call they were having a girl!
We decided in October to go visit them for a weekend before our bio daughter was born and from the moment we stepped off the plane to the hugs and open arms I knew our life was changed forever, this couple and all of their family were now a part of ours.
We spent time with their families and had some alone time with them. I sat on the couch with her for a long time with my hand on her belly feeling the baby kick and what a surreal feeling that was! We are already planning to get our families together so our children can be close for a lifetime!
There have been times of sorrow and doubt but the reality is we were not going to have 14 more children, and for us, the chance to give a couple what they wanted so badly and give our embryos a chance at life, and to be able to know them and be a part of their life, what more can a parent ask for!! This has been a very rewarding experience and I can’t imagine our life any other way!
Tom and Anabelle met on Memorial Day weekend while Annabelle was vacationing in San Diego from Brazil. They were engaged within eight months, married in a little more than a year. They assumed children would follow just as quickly, but years passed without any babies.
After seven years of trying, they started in vitro fertilization treatments. After a single embryo transfer, their son was born. Five embryos remained.
When their son was about 14 months old, Anabelle found out she was expecting again and was 12 weeks pregnant with their second son. What a wonder, given their previous struggles! 15 months after he was born, the Petersens found out Anabelle was almost 8 weeks pregnant with their daughter. The Petersens now had three children— and five frozen embryos who needed them to decide their future.
Tom began to research what they could do with their remaining embryos and discovered the Snowflakes® Embryo Adoption program.
Tom first presented the idea of using the Snowflakes program to Anabelle when their daughter was about a month old. She wasn’t ready to make that decision. One day, as Anabelle considered and prayed about the future of her remaining embryos, she felt that God gave her the answer she was seeking. “I believe I heard God telling me; the embryos are not yours, Anabelle. They are a gift from me!” This gave her the answer she was seeking and the peace she was craving. The couple agreed to place their remaining embryos for adoption and their journey towards finding a family for their embryos began.
In December, Tom and Anabelle received an e-mail with a possible match. The moment Anabelle started reading Bert and Kryna’s family profile she just knew this was the right match. Tom agreed.
When the adopting family traveled to San Diego for their first frozen embryo transfer, it was ’love at first sight. The Bert and Kryna welcomed their first adopted child, a son, the following year. When he was 16 months old they traveled again to visit Tom and Anabelle. The purpose of this trip was to introduce Anabelle and Tom to their son and to have a second FET. Their second adopted son was born in 9 months later. Tom and Anabelle were pleasantly surprised that their open adoption would be so sweet.
The adopting parents recently had their final transfer using the adopted embryos. They are expecting their third child in early 2017. Tom and Anabelle’s children say, “Wouldn’t it be so cool if they have a family just like us? Boy, boy, girl?” They will find that out soon!
The relationships developed between the two families have been a blessing for all. Anabelle explains, “I find so much peace in the fact that their sons are loved and are alive and well. Do I sometimes wish Tom and I could have parented them? Yes. But Bert and Kryna are fantastic parents and we couldn’t be happier.”
Have you ever considered that Jesus was adopted by his earthly father Joseph? We don’t know much about Joseph from Scripture, but we do know he was a man able to hear the voice of God and obey it. He took Mary as his wife when societal norms would have dictated another action; he took refuge in Egypt under guidance from God to keep Jesus safe from the anger of King Herod who was seeking to kill Him.
Not only was Jesus adopted by Joseph, Jesus as an embryo was miraculously placed and implanted in Mary’s womb. As a Christian adoption agency, these are facts from the Scripture we hold true. God is the Creator and Sustainer of all life. This is why we are passionate about our Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program.
We want to help our families with remaining embryos choose a family to give birth to those embryos. No longer subjected to life in suspended animation, these embryos will now have a chance to be born, to grow and become a living, breathing person with purpose.
Thank you for considering embryo donation or embryo adoption. Both are life-giving. Both are an answer to someone’s prayer. Both are honoring to our Creator God.
My husband and I were blessed with fraternal twins, a boy, and a girl, after our first in vitro cycle. We had nine remaining frozen embryos. When our twins were two, we felt we needed to face the hard decision of what to do with our remaining embryos. Then we heard about an embryo adoption program in California. We contacted the agency and started the paperwork and matching process for an adoptive family.
We chose an adoptive family who had struggled with infertility for nine years. They had the same morals and values we hold close to our family. They matched our criteria in every way. They also agreed to the same level of contact. We both wanted an open relationship, but not everyone does. You are matched with all criteria in mind.
Our adoptive family was able to achieve pregnancy on their first attempt, and now has one child who is almost five years old.
My husband and I have complete peace knowing we fulfilled the parental responsibility of our nine embryos. One child was born, but all nine were given a chance at life. We are so blessed to see how this situation was used to give another couple the desire of their heart.
I always have known I wanted to adopt. In fact, after my first in vitro success and subsequent miscarriage, we attended an adoption seminar at Nightlight Christian Adoptions. I just wanted to open all doors. I admired friends of my husband’s family who fostered and adopted three children after their three biological children were nearly grown.
I admired friends of mine who, after struggling with infertility, adopted a baby boy and later adopted two more babies. I admired other friends of ours who also struggled with infertility. Rather than embark on the traditional adoption journey, they opted for embryo adoption. I’ll never forget her calling me to share the news that not only were they pregnant, but pregnant with twins! I had never heard of snowflake adoption until our friends went through it.
The IVF cycle that led to my children Clayton and Chloe’s birth was my third attempt at in vitro. We had 18 eggs, fertilized that day and all 18 became viable embryos according to our doctor. On day 5, transfer day, all 18 were still going strong. Two were transferred and Clayton Joseph and Chloe Grace were born. They were healthy and big and came home with us on Mother’s Day.
A mere 14 months later came the unexpected and wonderfully happy news that little Easton was on his way.
I said to my mom, “I think the best solution is to place our remaining embryos with another couple so they can fulfill their desire to be parents!”
I knew it was time to start exploring our chosen path: Snowflakes Embryo Adoption. By going through Snowflakes, my husband Ryan and I had complete control with who the embryos were placed with and likewise they, of course, had to agree to match with us as well. A lovely couple were presented to us. They shared a beautiful online album showcasing their life, their struggle, their families, and most importantly their love. We felt an immediate connection and knew they were going to be the parents of our embryos. They officially adopted our embryos a few months later and they transferred two embryos. She tested 8 days later with a perfectly POSITIVE blood test! Nine months later their precious baby girl arrived.
I wasn’t prepared for the rush of emotions I experienced upon learning the news of their pregnancy, So amazing. We did it. We gave these perfect little embryos a chance at life and this little girl was most definitely meant to be. For us, there was no other choice. I often look at Clayton and Chloe and wonder how they got to be the lucky two of eighteen that were chosen to be mine. How could we not give the others the same chance at life? Simple decision for us; difficult and unimaginable for others. The miracle of life is most amazing! Thank you to our adoptive family. You are a blessing to our family and the little miracle you carried inside you.
Lindsay and Rick first met at an engagement party for their mutual friends. They fell in love on the dance floor at the same friends’ wedding. In their wildest dreams, the couple never imagined they would struggle with infertility. After a year of trying, six failed IUI treatments, and medical costs piling up, they started to lose hope. Then Lindsay and Rick began to explore IVF. Coming to the conclusion that it would be their last chance to have a biological child, the couple decided to pursue this option. After selling their small business to cover the costs, they started on their first IVF cycle.
Five embryos were created and two were transferred. Miraculously, both embryos resulted in a pregnancy. Twin girls, Amelia and Olivia. Lindsay and Rick wanted to give their girls the best life possible. They decided not to try for more children, as they deemed it financially responsible to stop at two. The three remaining embryos were in frozen storage.
Making the decision of what to do with their remaining embryos was harder than the decision to pursue IVF. They had the choice of destroying the embryos, donating them to science for research, donating anonymously, or keeping them in frozen storage. Without a doubt, they knew they did not want to destroy the embryos. To Lindsay, it felt like an abortion. However, donating anonymously made the couple uncomfortable as well.
If they donated anonymously through their clinic, they might unwittingly run into their biological child one day and not even know it! After doing research, Rick found the Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program. Snowflakes offered an open adoption option for their potential children, allowing them to choose the family they gave their embryos to. They liked the idea that their twins might be able to meet any biological siblings one day. Yes, Snowflakes was the right choice for them.
Lindsay and Rick wanted a particular type of family for their embryos—one similar to their own. Amazingly, they fell in love with the first adoptive family they matched with. The family had also been through unsuccessful IUIs, as well as failed IVF cycles and traditional adoption. Lindsay and Rick wanted nothing more than for their embryos to grow up with this family. After the adoption process was complete, all three embryos were transferred. Sadly, it was not successful. Lindsay was crushed when she learned the transfer failed. She wanted to give this adoptive mother a happy ending just like her own. Still, to this day, the couple remains in contact with the family.
Lindsay and Rick didn’t choose to give their embryos a chance at life for peace of mind. They chose to do this because, to them, it seemed selfish not to. Those embryos deserved life just as much as their girls did. The couple hopes their story will help other families struggling with the decision of what to do with their remaining embryos.
I always have felt a calling to adopt. In fact, after my first in vitro success and subsequent miscarriage, we attended an adoption seminar at Nightlight Christian Adoptions. I just wanted to open all doors. I admired good friends of my husband's family who fostered and adopted three children after their three biological children were nearly grown. I admired good friends of mine who, after struggling with infertility, adopted a baby boy and later adopted two more babies. I admired other good friends of ours who also struggled with infertility. Rather than embark on the traditional adoption journey, they opted for embryo adoption. I'll never forget her calling me to share the news that not only were they pregnant, but pregnant with twins! I had never heard of Snowflakes Embryo Adoption until our friends went through it.
The cycle that led to my children Clayton and Chloe's birth was my third attempt at in vitro. I knew prior to the egg retrieval that I'd have a lot of eggs...I produce like crazy. In fact that cycle was supposed to be artificial insemination, but I had too many eggs. It was too risky. We had hours (literally) to decide to cancel the cycle or change to in vitro. We of course decided to go for it. I had 18 eggs, which were fertilized that day. The next day Dr. Kan called to tell us how many took--all 18!
He said that's pretty unheard of and that he'd call back on day 3 to tell us how many were still growing. I'll never forget that call. I was sitting in a back to school training. He said, "You'll never guess how many are still thriving. All 18!" He was truly in awe at the strength of our embryos. Dr. Kan said at this point he was not in control, but a higher power was. I couldn't have agreed more. On day 5, transfer day, all 18 were still going strong. Two were transferred and the rest is a very happy history. Clayton Joseph and Chloe Grace were born at 37 ½ weeks after I was induced. They were healthy and big and came home with us on Mother’s Day. No NICU required for our little angels. My 10 weeks of bed rest more than paid off!
Now, back to my calling to adopt. As my mom and I killed time at the mall before my final doctor's appointment (the one where I came prepared with my suitcase and a list of reasons why I needed to be induced), my mom and I reflected on about how far I had come. Less than a year prior I was in the deepest depths of my infertility struggle and then here I was as big as a house, contractions and all, ready to pop with two perfect, little blessings.
I said to her, "You know, Mom, maybe this is my calling to participate in adoption. Maybe I'm supposed to place my remaining embryos to a couple who desperately want to be parents.”
She just smiled. Ryan and I had already decided that if we did have more children, we wanted it to happen naturally. All of the infertility treatments I experienced: painful exams, difficult surgeries, countless ultrasounds, blood draws, depressing phone calls, awful injections, failed attempts, a miscarriage...I was done. I was getting ready to welcome two perfect little lives into my world. I couldn't have been more content and fulfilled. We decided, though, to hang onto the embryos for a few more years until we knew for sure that we were ready to proceed with snowflake adoption. Then, 14 months later, came the unexpected and wonderfully happy news that little Easton was on his way.
Right then and there, as the rush of emotions set in that I was literally going to have three babies, I knew it was time to start exploring the Snowflakes program. We began the process in summer (2012). By going through Snowflakes, my husband Ryan and I had preferences with who the embryos were placed with and likewise they, of course, had to agree to us as well. Earlier this year a lovely couple who live in Colorado were presented to us. They shared a beautiful online album showcasing their life, their struggle, their families, and most importantly their love. We felt an immediate connection and knew they were going to be the parents of our embryos. They officially adopted our embryos a few months later and they transferred two embryos. She tested 8 days later with a perfectly POSITIVE blood test! Their precious baby girl arrived earlier this year, right when Easton was due (literally—his conception date is the same as their transfer date).
I wasn't prepared for the rush of emotions I experienced upon learning the news of her pregnancy, but am so incredibly happy. Wow! So amazing. We did it. We gave these perfect little embryos a chance at life and this little girl was most definitely meant to be. For us there was no other choice. I often look at Clayton and Chloe and wonder how they got to be the lucky two of eighteen that were chosen to be mine. How could we not give the others the same chance at life? Simple decision for us; difficult and unimaginable for others. I understand that. As Dr. Kan said, this whole process was being directed by a higher power. It still is. Thanks be to God. The miracle of life is most amazing! Thank you to our adoptive family. You are a blessing to our family and the little miracle you carried inside you.
My daughters look nothing alike and are obviously fraternal twins. I am frequently asked if we did IVF and I am never ashamed nor shy about admitting we did. However, the story usually stops there and I never tell them about their three embryonic brothers and sisters. The IVF process created five grade A embryos, Liv and Mia are just two of the five, three were frozen.
Rick and I were faced with the difficult decision to determine the fate of the remaining three. We knew we couldn't keep them frozen forever, we also knew we couldn't afford five children. The easiest solution would have been to destroy them, but that option didn't sit well with us. We couldn't imagine destroying them simply because our family was complete.
I went through four years of tears, medication, pain, and frustration to get these embryos to this point. I just knew there was another female out there that wanted them – a loving woman fighting for the opportunity to become a birth mother.
Last year we made the right decision for us. We gave all three embryos up for adoption to a couple in Kansas City who had been trying to get pregnant for 10 years. We realize it’s not the right choice for everyone, but we knew we had to do what’s best for them while they were in our care and if given the opportunity to speak, I bet they would have told us to give them a chance…somewhere, anywhere at life. I also couldn't help but look at Liv and Mia playing with their toys and think to myself, they could have easily been two of the remaining embryos and are only here by chance.
We placed our embryos for adoption through Snowflakes and this is our story…
After an IVF cycle producing 19 embryos, two embryo transfers and the birth of 3 children, we knew we were done building our family and needed to decide what to do with our remaining 14 embryos. For us, to destroy them was not an option so, do we donate them for stem cell research? We had seen what came from these little frozen embryos so once again that was not an option; we wanted to give them life! So we talked with a few friends and some nurses and were told about Snowflakes. We had a lot of questions and were given the answers in a very caring manner. We knew we were making the right decision.
We choose a family that was so much like us it was amazing. They were the first profile we saw but how did we wait to see another profile when this couple was so much like us? We called them Christmas Eve 2011 and told them that we picked them, and our family grew that night!
They called after the first transfer and told us they thawed three and implanted two (one did not make it through the thawing process) and I cried. I cried for the one that did not make it and I cried tears of happiness for the two that did. Then when they went to their first sonogram and to hear heartbeats they called to say they were pregnant with one. Once again tears of sorrow and happiness. Months later and many phone calls and emails later, we got the call they were having a girl!!!
We decided in October to go visit them for a weekend before our bio daughter was born and from the moment we stepped off the plane to the hugs and open arms I knew our life was changed forever, this couple and all of their family was now a part of ours.
We spent time with their families and had some alone time with them. I sat on the couch with her for a long time with my hand on her belly feeling our bio daughter kick and what a surreal feeling that was! She is due December 27th of this year (any day now) and we are so excited. We can’t wait to see the first pictures and hear of all her first milestones. We are already planning to get our families together so our children can be close for a lifetime!
There have been times of sorrow and doubt but the reality is we were not going to have 14 more children, and for us, the chance to give a couple what they wanted so badly and give our embryos a chance at life, and to be able to know them and be a part of their life, what more can a parent ask for!! This has been a very rewarding experience and I can’t imagine our life any other way!
Adoption is a blessing, start your journey today.Get Started
