Spirit of Openness: How it Relates to Adoption

 

 

As an adoption agency, Nightlight Christian Adoptions deeply believes in the value of open adoption and the positive impact it has on all members of the adoption triad. One of the main questions that Nightlight social workers typically receive from inquiring prospective adoptive parents is about openness and the relationship they will have with their future child’s birth family. It is a topic that we often explore in depth with families throughout the process, starting at inquiry and spanning through to post-adoption. If the idea of openness is not explored and researched properly, culture (including movies and TV shows) may lead to feelings of fear and anxiety, especially since society does not portray many parts of adoption accurately or in a healthy way. Many prospective adoptive parents have walked a painful and difficult journey prior to beginning the adoption process with an agency or attorney, and fear may be a comfortable place to settle (as it is for most of us in so many areas of our lives) as the new path to parenthood is begun. As I continue to explore the concept of openness that will be unique to each adoption with prospective or current adoptive parents, I have really begun to shift encouraging both “open adoption” and a “spirit of openness.” The purpose in this is because a “spirit of openness” can be demonstrated within the adoption triad in every adoption (embryo, domestic, foster care, international), where the practical logistics of an open adoption may not – for various reasons.

Now what can this look like? This may look like the creation of a life book (maybe even beginning with the birth mother’s pregnancy journey), open and honest conversations with the child (and almost always his/her birth family), sharing pieces of a child’s tough story as appropriate, explaining openly and kindly to the child as to why they may not have contact or any knowledge about the child’s birth family, and addressing intricate identity questions as the child begins to understand the complex, unique, beautiful, and sometimes painful journey to their adoptive parents. One of Nightlight’s domestic adoptive parents told their son a story about his birth mother every day when he went down for a nap. Before 15 months of age, he knew her name and that she is another person in his life who loves him. Of course at that age, he cannot grasp what that entails; however, he will grow up always having a memory of her being someone important in his and his family’s life – and as appropriate and healthy, he can begin to understand all that entails. Logistically, this family has not had a visit with their child’s birth mother since he was born (a few years ago) due to the birth mother not desiring visits at this point of her journey of adoption (it is so critical to remember the journey experienced by birth parents and navigating that with the child’s). However, he will always understand that his parents not only want to share his story with him, but also his parents’ desire to love his birth mother and honor her role in his life by sharing about her openly and regularly. Birth (or genetic) parents may not always desire visits or even direct contact, and there is no question that adoptive parents may have a difficult time navigating that part of the child’s story. However, the honest and open discussions will allow for the child to ask questions as he or she feels necessary and help in the journey of bridging that gap in their story.

Even in open adoptions, there may not necessarily be a “spirit of openness.” There may be certain circumstances in a birth family’s (or adoptive parents’) life or adoption journey that may lead to hard conversations and complicated contact between members of the adoption triad. But even in those moments, the adoptive parents play a key role in shaping a child’s view of his or her birth family (and, in turn, a reflection of the child’s own personal identity as a part of the biological family). In the end, many adoptees may internalize how adoptive parents reflect on their birth family – as he or she always will have a connection to them that cannot be broken or ignored or glossed over. This lack of a spirit of openness can be displayed in very simple things that adoptive parents may not even realize, such as tone/attitude when discussing the behaviors of the birth family or fear or anxiety when preparing for visits, phone calls, letters, etc. Children pick up on the smallest attitudes and fears, especially when related to their adoption story. There is no doubt that this is a difficult balance to explore, but humility, honesty, forgiveness, and grace play major roles in the journey for the entire adoption triad.

Many times, the struggle with a spirit of openness comes from a place of fear (before, during, or after the adoption). However, our Heavenly Father does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and self-control (2 Timothy 1:7). Adoption is a complicated, messy, and beautiful journey for all members of the adoption triad, and a spirit of openness is going to further provide opportunities for exploration, development, and healing throughout the process for everyone. A spirit of openness about a child’s adoption and his or her birth family can always be attainable, even when an open adoption may not be (whether now or ever). In the end, the goal for all adoptive parents, birth parents, adoption professionals, etc. is whatever is in the best interest of the child.

 

written by Chelsea Tippins

50 Benefits of Snowflakes

 

Why work with the Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program? People who are inquiring about placing or adopting embryos for achieving a pregnancy are often confused about using an embryo adoption agency or a fertility clinic. Is the Snowflakes program right for you? After you read through this list, call us. Our knowledgeable staff will listen and answer your questions about placement or adoption.

1. Established in 1997, the Snowflakes program is the oldest and most experienced embryo adoption agency in the world.
2. The program was established to assist families with remaining embryos select an adopting family for them.
3. We accept all embryos regardless of quality or quantity.
4. Snowflakes provides a positive option for adoption an infant and a shorter timeline.
5. Over 650 babies have been born into adopting families through the Snowflakes program.
6. We receive new sets of embryo donations every week.
7. As needed, we help families connect with a counselor to discuss their embryo placement.
8. Our streamlined processes insure accurate and quick services.
9. We always have embryos available for matching.
10. Our placing parents are required to follow FDA rules and regulations for embryo placement.
11. Snowflakes has an easy to use access system for infectious disease testing, required by the FDA.
12. Our adopting families are all evaluated by a rigorous home study process.
13. The time-tested Snowflakes processes provide both placing an adopting family’s peace-of-mind.
14. The cost of our program has not increased in over 10 years!
15. Our agency, Nightlight Christian Adoptions, has been in business for 60+ years and we apply the best practices of adoption to our Snowflakes program.
16. Our team consistently receives high survey scores for listening and caring for you.
17. We accept all applications without discrimination.
18. Our team provides inquirers with a balance of truth and hope.
19. We encourage open communications between placing and adopting families.
20. Our requirement to collect medical records adds to the security of the placement.
21. We provide our families with a secure listening ear and a safe place to grieve.
22. Regular examinations and changes to our program processes speed you to your goal.
23. We are people of integrity who care about providing you with high quality service.
24. Surveys of families who have completed the program give the highest ratings 98% of the time.
25. Snowflakes team members are always seeking ways to improve the program.
26. We provide education to our clients, doctors, clinics and other adoption agencies.
27. Placement and adoption are paper-intensive services and our team helps you identify and complete all necessary documents to keep you moving forward.
28. Our contracts are legally sound for the placement of embryos from one family to another.
29. Our team does not use computer-generated matching, but matches based on family preferences and profiles.
30. Our pre-matching interview confirms your preferences in a match; no matches are ever forced.
31. We do not allow for closed or anonymous adoptions—both placing and adopting families have the security of knowledge.
32. A frequent refrain from our matched families is “it was a perfect match!”
33. Our care toward your family continues with assistance even after the placement/adoption is final.
34. We manage all aspects of embryo placement, including the possibility of what happens to remaining embryos in the adopting family.
35. Snowflakes maintains a permanent record of the placements and adoptions.
36. All-inclusive, competent, and valuable services at a low-cost.
37. Snowflakes maintains a positive, world-wide reputation.
38. Our team provides personal service and timely communications.
39. We have positive relationships with fertility clinics throughout the U.S.
40. Many of our referrals for both placing and adopting families are from their doctor or clinic.
41. We provide resources to support clients before, during, and after the placement or adoption.
42. Our adopting families receive three generations of placing family medical history.
43. We provide assistance in finding positive options for all inquirers.
44. The Snowflakes program offers a holistic approach to the placement and adoption of remaining frozen embryos.
45. Nightlight is a child-centric agency, focused on assisting the placing parents, the adopting parents, and the full-genetic siblings in both families.
46. We help families connect with one another helping them leave a legacy to their children.
47. We encourage direct communication between families for the sake of all parties involved: children and adults.
48. When necessary we are able to coordinate communication between families who are working to build a future direct communications relationship.
49. Our team prays for and with our families every week.
50. Snowflakes coordinates and arranges for safe shipment of embryos between storage facilities.

 

Want to know more about Snowflakes? Give us a call at 970-663-6799 and ask for our experienced inquiry specialists who will walk you through the adoption process. You can also email us at info@snowflakes.org. With the Snowflakes program, you CAN give birth to you adopted child!

 

–The Snowflakes Team

An International Embryo Adoption

I got all choked up as I watched the little pin-pricks of light on the monitor in the doctor’s office. The way they appeared was a miraculous sight I will never forget. Not for Emily, though. All she could focus on was how much she needed to go to the bathroom! But that is what this journey through embryo adoption has been like every step of the way. Sometimes miraculous, sometimes hilariously human.

Our infertility story begins just like any other, racking up doctor’s office visits like you are filling up a punch card at Starbucks. Each time they wanted to try something progressively more invasive. Our work requires us to live overseas, which complicated the situation further. Expats like us squeeze as much medical care as we can into each trip home, but it was becoming increasingly clear that natural conception just wasn’t in the cards for us. We looked into traditional adoption, but the small African country where we live doesn’t have a domestic program for non-citizens, forcing us to look to international adoption in a neighboring country. This meant a long wait and a slim chance of adopting a baby. In the end, we decided we were open to adopting an older child who needed a forever family, while we mourned the loss of never getting to care for our children as infants.

That is when we heard about embryo adoption from a colleague and it answered all our prayers. It was a child in need of a family, it was the opportunity to know our child as a roly-poly baby, and it was a gift for my wife to experience all the messy beauty of carrying and giving birth. We raised money, we prayed a lot, we bought plane tickets, we got discouraged and crash-landed a few times into pints of cookies-and-cream and old reruns of the West Wing, but eventually we made it.

We adopted five wonderful embryos from the Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Program and transferred two of them. Later that day, we sat in a little taco joint where I forbade Emily from moving an inch and brought her all manner of salsa options. She teased me, as if her walking to the drink-dispenser would cause irreparable damage. It was obvious this whole experience hadn’t just been about our son, but it brought us together as well. It made us the kind of parents our little Noah needs and he made us the family we had dreamed of being all along.

 

–Embryo Adoptive Family

Top Three Reasons to Become a Dad Using Embryo Adoption

 

There’s a false notion in some circles of American culture that fatherhood is, well, unmanly. Changing diapers? Beneath us. Strapping on an infant in a Baby Bjorn? Emasculating (not to mention a little silly looking).

Sadly, adopting a baby is another activity that too often makes the list of unacceptable activities for men. I know. I was one of those dads—until embryo adoption upended my world.

This Father’s Day, you might be looking in the mirror and wondering what it means to be a man. You and your wife might be facing the daunting challenge of infertility. Or your spouse might be trying to convince you to explore embryo adoption to build your family, even though you’ve told her a hundred times it isn’t for you.

Let me offer some small assurance. Embryo adoption will forever change your definition of manhood, that’s true. But it will change you for the better. Whether you hope to become a first-time dad or to add another bouncing baby to your quiver, here are three reasons you should strongly consider becoming a father through embryo adoption.

Reason No. 1: The most fragile among us deserve the best of your strength.

Odds are good you probably aren’t a body builder, bouncer, or professional wrestler. That’s fine. Strength shows itself in many forms, most of all in families, where good dads really shine. It’s especially necessary when it comes to giving frozen embryos the best chance at life.

Consider this: Hundreds of couples who have used in vitro fertilization (IVF) to build their families are praying and working with an adoption agency to find a family to give their remaining embryos life. An embryo might only be a few days old, but for those of us who believe life begins at conception, it is also a baby with hopes, dreams and a future. What if that tiny life were part of your family? What could you accomplish together? What higher purpose could you achieve?

Reason No. 2: Now more than ever, the world needs fathers to contribute their unique gifts to children.

Boys who grow up to be men—and dads—are one of society’s most undervalued resources, according to Warren Farrell and John Gray, authors of the 2018 book, “The Boy Crisis”. In that book, they write: “Worldwide, the amount of time a father spends with a child is one of the strongest predictors of the child’s ability to empathize as he gets older.”

As a dad, you will help your children learn how to treat other people—with respect, love, and kindness. The traits you admire most in other people are traits you can have a direct role in fostering in our next generation of leaders. Embryo adoption enables you to make a difference not only in the lives of an embryo baby and the placing family from whom you are adopting, but in your community and the world. Children grow up to become what we model for them.

Reason No. 3: Because fatherhood will immediately begin reshaping your life’s priorities—for the better.

You might occasionally feel a tinge of guilt as a man. Perhaps you’re spending too much time at the office. Maybe you’d like to prioritize time with your wife, your spiritual walk or even a favorite hobby, but you simply can’t find the time.

It’s at times like these that watershed moments arrive to transform how you think about what matters most in your world. Embryo adoption might well be such a moment for you. The entry of a baby into your life forces you to rearrange your priorities. Caring for a little person means giving of your time, energy, and humility (as a dad to four, I eat humble pie for breakfast with a soup ladle). Yet it also means some of the most rewarding and inspiring moments of your life.

Embryo adoption isn’t for everyone. But if something inside of you yearns to be a dad, take the first step with your spouse. Learn a little. Ask questions. And consider the embryo babies and placing families who are looking to someone just like you to make a difference.

Nate Birt and his wife, Julie, are adoptive parents of Phoebe, a Nightlight® Christian Adoptions Snowflakes® baby. Nate blogs quarterly for Snowflakes® and is the author of “Frozen, But Not Forgotten: An Adoptive Dad’s Step-by-Step Guide to Embryo Adoption” from Carpenter’s Son Publishing. To subscribe to his email newsletter, visit www.frozenbutnotforgotten.com.  

What is Secondary Infertility?

 

 

Last Wednesday, social media was flooded with photos of siblings—it was National Siblings Day! Some of you may frequently remember your brothers and sisters with fondness and great memories. Others may be reflecting on the colossal efforts you have made to have civil relationships with each other.

Siblings Day is a day of celebration, but it is also a day to acknowledge that not everyone has an easy time getting to a baby, let alone a sibling for their child!

Infertility does not exclusively occur with couples who are trying to start a family for the first time. Some are still facing infertility, even after they have brought a child into their home. They may desperately wish to give their child a sibling but it ends up being more difficult than they realized. This is called secondary infertility. According to the Mayo Clinic, secondary infertility is the inability to successfully achieve pregnancy or carry a baby to term after previously having a child.

Secondary infertility can come as a shock to many couples. And there are several emotions that come with the diagnoses: grief, guilt, shame, and even depression. However, through embryo adoption, a couple can still have hope to successfully expand their family.

Celebrating National Siblings Day does not look the same for every family. Siblings are more than just blood and DNA. There is no right way to grow your family—just look through some social media posts to see the countless unique ways families’ across the country celebrate their siblings. If you want more information on growing your family in a unique way, visit Snowflakes.org to learn more.

If Your Embryos Could Talk: Embryo Donation

Hello, hello! Yes, it’s me, your little embryo. Do have a moment to chat? It’s been sometime since you created me, and while I am super happy you did, but I was wondering what your plans are for me.

Are you planning to increase your family and bring me into the fold? If not, what if it were possible for another family to bring me into their fold? Have you thought about that?

Based upon your response and how long I’ve been here, I can tell you have been agonizing over what to do with me. I get it! I know you love me, and would have enjoyed having me be part of the “fam.” But let’s be real. Life is full of unexpected situations that come our way. For example, I bet you didn’t think you would be having to make this decision. Don’t feel bad, I have a great solution.

Why not help me be adopted?

Hey wait a minute, don’t dismiss the idea! Couples come in to the clinic where I am stored every week and leave teary eyed and dejected. For whatever reason they cannot have children of their own, and yet they are the sweetest most loving individuals. I feel bad for them. Honestly, if you place me for adoption, you wouldn’t have to keep paying my storage bill. I would not be feeling the cold anymore, and one of those amazing adopting couples would have the family they have always wanted. Plus, you would be the hero—my hero and theirs!

Come on think about it, if you were still struggling to have a family wouldn’t you want someone to do something like that for you? Just a thought…

 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

To learn about donating your embryos to another family, visit Snowflakes.org.

God’s Greatest Gift

 

 

As we enter the Christmas season, there are so many things to be thankful for: the health of living in a bountiful nation, the happiness of having choices, and the hope of what tomorrow will bring. Yet as we ponder these things amongst our daily to do lists, nothing would seem quite as important, if we did not have loved ones with whom we could share this season of joy and celebration with. Hearing family and friends laugh, and experiencing their embrace as they express their gratitude for having received what their hearts desired, reminds me of the blessings I have received from my heavenly Father.

He answered my prayer to become a parent. I longed to hold a little one in my arms and know I had been used by God to bring he, or she, into the world. What a wonderful blessing that would be…my little one is 25 years old now. I am forever grateful and amazingly blessed to be a part of such a miracle.  

During this season, perhaps you, too, have similar thoughts or feelings, desiring to become a parent, and welcome a baby into your loving arms and become part of your family.

Whether you have remaining embryos that you desire to place with another couple for the purpose of adoption, or whether you desire to adopt embryos so that you can know the joys, and challenges, of parenthood, we encourage you to reach out to us. The Snowflakes Embryo Adoption Team are waiting to answer your questions.

 

We wish you and your loved ones a Merry Christmas.

Embryo Quality: Does It Really Matter?

There are a variety of methods used by medical professionals to grade frozen human embryos, to project the likelihood of pregnancy success. This often includes Preimplantation Genetic Diagnostic (PGD) and Preimplantation Genetic Screening (PGS) testing.

However, research has shown that these tests are not always accurate. Even lower quality embryos, when thawed and transferred, may result in healthy babies just as higher quality embryos do.

According to World Magazine, “Over the last few years, a handful of physicians in the United States and Europe have reported that embryos deemed abnormal by early tests could still grow into normal pregnancies—and they have the healthy babies to prove it. That means physicians have thrown away perhaps tens of thousands of embryos deemed abnormal that could have been healthy.”

One Snowflakes family knows this first hand. This family adopted six embryos and chose to thaw all of them. Four embryos survived the thaw and two embryos were transferred. The remaining two embryos were re-frozen, but were deemed by the medical staff as “incompatible with life.” Unfortunately, the family’s first frozen embryo transfer did not result in a pregnancy. Against the advice of the doctor, the family chose to thaw and transfer the remaining embryos, believing all embryos deserve a chance at life, not just the “good quality” embryos. The family ended up pregnant with twins from those embryos!

There are many embryos in frozen storage at this time who are not being used for family building purposes because they are deemed “low quality” or “poor quality.” Though these embryos could result in perfectly healthy children!

To hear more personal stories from families who took the chance of life with lower quality embryos, you can watch our webinar Personal Stories: Snowflakes Beating the Odds.

To learn more about embryo adoption and donation, visit Snowflakes.org.

Is Egg Freezing the Only Solution?

Egg freezing may be used to preserve future fertility for women. Mature oocytes (eggs) are harvested from a woman’s ovaries, flash-frozen (vitrified), stored, and are later thawed to create embryos using in vitro fertilization Recently, we came across a very informative video series in which a 29 year old woman records her egg freezing experience.

It has only been recently that researchers have become more confident in successfully freezing human eggs. More women are considering it for a number of reasons:

  1. Cancer or other medical treatments: Certain medical treatments — such as radiation or chemotherapy — can harm egg numbers and quality. Egg freezing allows women to potentially have biological children in the future.
  2. IVF: After an egg retrieval cycle, some of the eggs may be fertilized for a current pregnancy attempt and other eggs may be stored for future pregnancy attempts. Embryos are created on an as-needed basis.
  3. Fertility Preservation: A woman may choose to freeze her eggs when she is young, unmarried, and just beginning her career. Then when she is ready to begin having children, eggs will be thawed, fertilized, and transferred.

The last reason is becoming more popular. One of the most important factors in successful egg freezing is the age of the woman. Egg quality declines as women age, so the earlier they are frozen, the more likely the eggs will survive the freezing and thawing process.

But is the process, expense, time, and risk involved worth it?

Egg freezing is costly, both financially and emotionally. Each egg retrieval cycle takes several months and some women may have to complete more than one retrieval in order to secure enough eggs for future use. The procedure to harvest eggs from the ovaries costs about $10,000, which does not include the cost of the medication and hormone injections the woman has to take for several weeks to stimulate her ovaries. After the embryos are frozen, there is an annual storage bill, averaging $600.00 a year. And when the eggs are thawed, fertilized, and transferred to the uterus through an IVF cycle, the cost ranges from $5,000 – $12,000.

Of course, there is no guarantee a woman will be able to have genetic children in the future if they freeze eggs now.

Are there other options?

Yes! There is another successful option for achieving a pregnancy in the future without incurring the expense of egg freezing. It is called embryo adoption. Embryos that have already been created IVF cycles are made available to for adoption. The adopting family uses the embryos to achieve a pregnancy and give birth. There is no expense for egg retrieval. No painful procedures. It’s affordable. It’s proven successful.

Anyone considering freezing their eggs should be aware of this option for future pregnancies. To learn more about embryo adoption, visit www.Snowflakes.org.

Protecting Your Baby From Birth Defects Through Nutrition

Women who are interested in embryo adoption are clearly interested in becoming pregnant and carrying a healthy child to term.  Did you know there is something you can begin NOW that will help protect your growing child in utero?

Take folic acid.

Jennifer Hofmeister, a Physician’s Assistant in Loveland, CO recently submitted an editorial on this subject.  Jennifer tells us:

“I want to make sure that all women in Northern Colorado who can become pregnant know about a simple way to improve their health to prevent brain and spine birth defects, such as spina bifida.

Spina bifida is the most common neural tube birth defect in the United States affecting 1,500 to 2,000 babies every year. Spina bifida is characterized by the incomplete development of the brain, spinal cord and/or meninges (the protective covering around the brain and spinal cord). While children can lead active lives with spina bifida, it is a serious birth defect that can result in severe physical disabilities, and there is no cure for the disorder.

Women can lower the risk of spina bifida in their future children by simply taking one pill a day: folic acid. Studies have shown that adding folic acid to a woman’s diet significantly reduces the risk of having a child with a neural tube defect, especially if women start taking the supplement before they become pregnant.

Birth defects of the brain and spine happen in the first weeks of pregnancy, often before a woman knows she’s pregnant. If a woman doesn’t begin taking folic acid until the start of her pregnancy, it leaves a short window for her and her baby to benefit from the supplement. Even if a woman is not planning to become pregnant soon it’s best to plan ahead and start taking folic acid today.

The easiest way for women to incorporate folic acid into their diet is by taking a supplement every day. Folic acid is available as an individual supplement or as part of a multivitamin. Always check the label to make sure it contains the recommended 400 micrograms of the supplement.

Folic acid can also be found in foods such as enriched breads, pastas and cereals. For the last decade, the FDA has required that manufacturers fortify these foods with folic acid. In addition to supplements and fortified foods, women can also eat a diet rich in folate which can be found naturally in beans, peas, lentils, oranges, asparagus, broccoli and dark leafy green vegetables such as spinach and kale.

Even women who are not planning to become pregnant can benefit from getting enough folic acid every day. Our bodies make new cells every day — blood, skin, hair, nails and more. Folic acid is an important part of making these new cells. Deciding to start taking folic acid is one of the easiest healthy habits women can start today.”

So ladies, start your folic acid regiment today to protect the baby you adopt through embryo adoption tomorrow!

Learn more about embryo adoption at www.EmbryoAdoption.org.