Preparing for the Journey: 10 Tips for Meeting your Adopted Child

Meeting your adoptive child for the first time is a big milestone in your international adoption journey filled with excitement, anticipation, and maybe even some butterflies. Remember, this first encounter is unique for every family. Your child might greet you with open arms, a shy smile, or even a desire to stay close to a familiar caregiver. Some children might even feel overwhelmed and show a "fight, flight, or freeze" response. These responses are all normal, and being prepared for a range of emotions will help you navigate this special moment.

Several things can influence how your first meeting with your child unfolds. Your child's age, development, personality, and past experiences with caregivers all play a role. Even temporary factors like hunger, tiredness, or illness can affect their mood. Thankfully, most adoption agencies understand this and they'll try to take these details into consideration when scheduling your introduction, aiming to create the most positive first encounter possible.

If there are ways to connect with your child before you meet, jump at the opportunity! Sending photos, videos, or doing video calls can make your faces and voices familiar, smoothening the transition. For children who speak another language, learning some basic phrases can go a long way in building that initial connection. It shows you're putting in the effort to understand their world, and that can make all the difference.

Here are 10 practical tips for your first meeting with your adoptive child.:

1. Meet them where they are – Imagine yourself in their shoes, and consider how you might feel – all the unknowns, the excitement, maybe a little fear. Help them feel welcomed, accepted and comfortable but let them come to you. Do not force affection on them until they’re ready. Allow them to create their own narrative and follow their lead.
2. Set expectations low – There are few adoption stories that begin with a child running into their new parents’ arms with a huge smile on their face, excited about the new adventure ahead. A more realistic picture is a child and parent(s) who are both cautious, scared, and uncertain about the journey. Set your expectations low and do not anticipate a fairy-tale-like meeting. If you don’t go into the meeting with your own preconceived fantasy, then you won’t be disappointed when your expectations aren’t met.
3. Have fun – Laughter and play can be wonderful bridges to connection. Come prepared with some playful ideas like peek-a-boo, silly songs, or dancing (age-appropriate, of course!). Bring a variety of small toys, like a ball, stuffed animals, or stickers, but be flexible. Depending on your child's mood and interests, they might not be up for structured play right away. That's okay!
4. Share stories – This first meeting is a chance for both of you to share your stories! If possible, talk to caregivers beforehand about your child's daily routines, favorite things, and anything else that might help you connect. During the meeting, ask open-ended questions and share simple things about yourself – your hobbies, your favorite food, or even a funny story from your childhood. Remember, it's a conversation, not an interrogation. Listen closely as they open up.
5. Keep things simple – Try not to overwhelm your child by doing too much too soon. Avoid overwhelming them with elaborate plans or a crowd of new faces. Focus on creating a calm and relaxed environment. Sightseeing or big activities can wait – for now, it's all about getting to know each other.
6. Be flexible and understanding – Be willing to make adjustments in many different areas. Your child might have routines and traditions that differ from yours. Instead of forcing changes, ask gentle questions about their bedtime stories, mealtimes, or anything familiar that brings them comfort. Consider a gradual transition to new routines, prioritizing their sense of security during this big adjustment. Be patient and adaptable – their familiar routines can provide a sense of security during this big adjustment.
7. Offer affirmations – Tell them that they are loved, cared for and safe. They may need to hear this often. Repeating these affirmations throughout the day, and in the days and weeks that follow, can create a powerful sense of security and love for your adopted child.
8. Create a safe space for emotions – Let your child know it's okay to feel however they feel. This big change can bring a mix of emotions – excitement, confusion, maybe even a little sadness or fear. That's all perfectly normal, whether it's what they (or you) expected or not. This is a safe space for them to express themselves freely, and you'll be there to listen and validate their feelings. Creating a space where they feel loved and understood, no matter what emotions come up.
9. Be consistent – Consistently meeting your child’s needs will help them feel safe. Children thrive on predictability, especially during times of big change. Creating a consistent schedule for meals, bedtime, and even playtime can help your child feel safe and secure in their new environment. Think of it as building a foundation of trust – they'll learn what to expect, reducing anxiety and allowing them to focus on getting to know you.
10. Capture the moment – This is a moment to remember! Take photos (with your child's permission, of course) or jot down some notes in a journal to capture the emotions and special moments of the day. Looking back on these memories in the future can be a wonderful way to celebrate your growing family and the start of your incredible journey together.

This first meeting is just the beginning of a beautiful story you'll write together. Embrace the unknown with open arms and with patience, understanding, and a whole lot of love, you'll create a safe and nurturing home where your child can truly thrive. Congratulations on this exciting new chapter in your life!